FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Fishing Humour

Page  123 409>
 Rating: Topic Rating: 3 Votes, Average 5.00  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Keith C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Fishing Humour
    Posted: 27 May 2003 at 12:04pm
Keith C View Drop Down
Platinum
Platinum
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Location: Urenui
Status: Online
Points: 2432

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation
took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said
a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had
to do to be able to come fishing this
weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off
my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she
said, "Wear a jumper."

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kerren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 2003 at 8:07am
Kerren View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 7534
this is a goodie.....


Rangi was stopped by a Department of Conservation officer, somewhere near Taupo recently, with two buckets of fish leaving a stream well known for its fishing.
The officer asked him, "Do you have a licence to catch those fish?" Rangi replied "These are my pet fish". "Pet fish!?" the officer asked. "Yes sir. Everynight I take these fish down to the stream and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into the buckets, and I take them home." "That's a bunch of crap! Fish can't do that!"
Rangi looked at the officer for a moment, and then said "Here, I'll show how you, it really works." "OK. I've got to see this!" The officer was curious now. Rangi poured the fish into the stream and stood and waited. After several minutes, the officer turned to him and said "Well?" Well, what?" Rangi responded. "When are you going to call them back?" The officer prompted. "Call who back?" Rangi asked. "The fish" replied the officer. Rangi replied, "What fish?"





I am Kermit, Leader of Muppets Nov 05
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote A C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 2003 at 6:46pm
A C View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2002
Location: Drunken Haze
Status: Offline
Points: 10046

And another :-

A mate of mine sent his old man to live in a retirement home, he gave them the advise that sometimes because the old man doesn't get out fishing much any more he can get a bit friskey with the ladies.

He went to see the old geezer a week later to find him in very good health and spirit, so before my mate left to head for home he decided to ask the staff what the old boy had been up to.

The village manager told him that they have been giving him warm Milo and viagra just before he went to bed ?????!!!!! ..........what the hell for !!

Well sir, the Milo sends him to sleep and the viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.

Hardy harr harr

Cheers

AC 

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote lalandi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 2003 at 2:22pm
lalandi View Drop Down
Platinum
Platinum
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Location: Neutral Zone
Status: Offline
Points: 1166

" I caught a 15lb snapper last night"

"Really?-sure... got any witnesses?"

"yip... If I hadnt it would have weighed 25lbs"

ahhh... actually thats not so funny...

So you're a feminist... How cute
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote KingfishSi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 2003 at 2:24pm
KingfishSi View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 6480
or maybe even 38lbs
Keep knockin', nobody's home.
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote A C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jul 2003 at 5:56pm
A C View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2002
Location: Drunken Haze
Status: Offline
Points: 10046

A husband comes home with a 12 pack of new "OLYMPIC GOLD" style condoms,

And announces,

" Honey, we're gonna go for gold tonight ! "

She replied,

" Why don't you use a silver one and come second for a change ? "

 

I don't get it ?? 

Cheers

AC

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Peter da Squid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jul 2003 at 6:37pm
Peter da Squid View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 08 Aug 2002
Location: Virgin Islands
Status: Offline
Points: 5828

 Q - Whats the difference between Sheep and the Wife ?

 A - Sheep dont complain when ya root its sister........

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Snapatak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jul 2003 at 7:58pm
Snapatak View Drop Down
Gold
Gold
Avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 574

An old couple were sitting eating peanuts, the old boy was showing off by throwing his peanuts up in the air and catching them in his mouth, he tossed one up and by mistake it landed in his ear. They both tried by couldn't removed the peanut, so the old girl said, go upstairs and talk to the daughters boy friend, he's a trainee doctor and will know what to do. So he made his way up the stairs and knocked on the door to his daughter's room, she opened the door and the old boy explained his problem, no problem she said and  told her boy friend. He came to the door to help the old boy.

After the peanut had been removed the old boy made his way back downstairs to his wife, she asked how he got on? Great he said. I explained to him about the peanut, he put both his fingers up my nose and asked me to blow and the peanut came flying out.

The old girl was impressed, that young guy has got a great future ahead of him.  Yes the old boy replied, by the smell of his fingers I hope he"ll by our son inlaw.

 

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote lalandi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Jul 2003 at 2:56pm
lalandi View Drop Down
Platinum
Platinum
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Location: Neutral Zone
Status: Offline
Points: 1166

those last two jokes are the dodgiest jokes I have ever heard(read).

Speaking from experience Squid??? no wonder the aussies take the piss..

So you're a feminist... How cute
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote A C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Jul 2003 at 7:46pm
A C View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2002
Location: Drunken Haze
Status: Offline
Points: 10046

We need marks out of 10, say anything over 7 allows the poster to " tell another " anything under and it has to be left to the comediens of this world.

Cheers

AC

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Wefaknis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2003 at 10:39am
Wefaknis View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 4187

Posted from another site.

How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been
changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"
is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation
of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this
discussion to a lightbulb forum

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and
lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy
the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique
and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about
light bulbs"

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
start it all over again



Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2003 at 10:48am
smudge View Drop Down
Moderator - Ninja
Moderator - Ninja
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Location: Te Toro
Status: Offline
Points: 21946
I call them Lamps.....
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kerren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2003 at 10:50am
Kerren View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 7534
oh I am laffin'!!.......

anyone watch "The Office"?

same kinda humor....spooky!
I am Kermit, Leader of Muppets Nov 05
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote KingfishSi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2003 at 11:37am
KingfishSi View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 6480
The cowboy and the genie

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water.
His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands,
certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an
object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to
be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service
ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how it works.
You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS auditor."
But, like he's a goner anyway so he thinks about this for a minute,
and decides that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
 
***POOF***
 
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen.
He is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is to be rich beyond my wildest dreams."
 
***POOF***
 
The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with
rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.
Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says,
"I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
 
***POOF***
 
He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story:
Any time the government offers you something
 you can bet there's going to be a string attached.... "
Keep knockin', nobody's home.
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ross Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2003 at 12:26pm
Ross View Drop Down
Platinum
Platinum
Avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 1020

Hubby wants a new boat so his wife says,"Just leave it to me love".

Next day she goes into the bank and asks to see the manager. When he duly arrives she says she wants to deposit a small bag of money. He takes her through to his office and finds shes got a bag full of $10 notes. Asking her how she got them she reports having a good night at the casino.

He gives her a lecture on the evils of gambling and banks the money. Before she leaves she throws him a challange saying, "I'll bet you $20,000 that your balls are square".

"Madam that is a ridiculous wager, I'd be stealing your money"

"I'll offer it again, I bet you $20,000 your balls are square".

"OK", says the manager.

The wife says she'll be in the next morning with her lawyer and husband for proof and leaves.

That night the lawyer checks his balls and sure enough they're round.

Next day in comes the wife, husband and lawyer, "Ready ?", says the wife.

The manager climbs onto a chair drops his trousers and the wife holds his balls in her hands. Proud manager says, "There you go, I win. But whats the lawyer doing banging his head on my desk?".

"Oh", says wife, "Yesterday I bet him $200,000 that I could have my bank managers balls in my hand by lunchtime tomorrow, Thanks a lot!!

With that she and hubby leave to select their new boat............

Ross

Fishing-4-all-NZ
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote KingfishSi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2003 at 2:04pm
KingfishSi View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 6480
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home.

He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows that his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them.

His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner?"
"You'll see", says his dad. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating.

Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint: Its what your mother sometimes calls me."

The girl suddenly screams at her little brother,
"Spit it out! It's an arsehole!"
Keep knockin', nobody's home.
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Peter da Squid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2003 at 5:50pm
Peter da Squid View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 08 Aug 2002
Location: Virgin Islands
Status: Offline
Points: 5828

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

- kinky is when you tickle your partners bum with a feather &

- perverted is when you use the whole chicken....... shocker.

 

Good for Nuthin
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Snapatak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Aug 2003 at 7:43am
Snapatak View Drop Down
Gold
Gold
Avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 574

Aussie farmer rings kiwi farmer, hey kiwi what are you doing this weekend. Not much replies the kiwi farmer, come over and we'll have a few beers replies the Aussie farmer.

So kiwi farmer hops on a plane and is soon at Aussie farmers place.

Both Aussie and kiwi were out walking one of the back fences when they came across a sheep with it's head caught in the wire fence and it's ass sticking right up in the air, Aussie and kiwi both looked at the sheep, kiwi couldn't help himself so he downed trowel and before the Aussie could say "cheers mate" the kiwi was stuck up the sheep ass.

Kiwi had just blown he bolt and was putting himself away when he said. "OK Aussie it's your turn".

Kiwi turned around to see Aussie with his head caught down in the wire fence, pants around his ankle's and his ass sticking up in the air. [:errr:] 

 

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote A C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Aug 2003 at 8:35am
A C View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2002
Location: Drunken Haze
Status: Offline
Points: 10046

Whats the difference between Pink and Purple ?

 

 

The Grip

Aye-Aye cloth eyes.
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Snapatak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Aug 2003 at 4:06pm
Snapatak View Drop Down
Gold
Gold
Avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2002
Status: Offline
Points: 574
Yes AC, I got a laugh out of that one.
Back to Top
Page  123 409>
Forum Jump
Forum Permissions View Drop Down


This page was generated in 1.098 seconds.