Nilfished- SMB Dunny Seat

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Peter da Squid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Nilfished- SMB Dunny Seat
    Posted: 27 Jun 2006 at 5:16pm
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Hear Ye, Hear Ye, you bunch of  Oxygen bludgers

As it is I have been the beneficial minder of the prestigious SHB Dunny Seat since April. During this period there have been abundant acts of Muppetry through out the forum community, some coming with in a whisker of becoming new holder of seat but not even past stupidity has come close to the current accusations pointed toward our well known gramatical sideshow Brother.

The charges are-
1- filling a diesel landcruiser with 91 octane

2- taking a dump in womans toilet at the gaser then starting up a conversation with a lady in the next cubicle
                        
3- giving personal details to a policeman for speeding

4- jack kniving the trailor several times on a double laned ramp then launching boat into big poles.

5- leaving you bestest mate Squid in Auckland.

These charges have been relayed via the crew of the White Squall, for this reason I  have no choice but to take the accusations seriously!
But as most of you fullas here know Im a fair man and am willing to hear Billfish's side of the story as there are always 2 sides.

So Bungle, front up mate and defend yourself or be Crucified severly and be judged the new holder?

waiting, waiting........(this should be good!)




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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote A C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2006 at 7:17pm
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Just give it the the **** he deserves it. He had some twot hack in and change my post.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kezza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2006 at 7:39pm
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why are we even having this conversation?....

deal to him El' Squid!! slaps upside the teefs!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Peter da Squid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2006 at 7:46pm
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cause he writes some fantastic bullsh*t
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2006 at 8:58pm
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That PdS is a seriously good reason to wait for his reply. He's going to get the Toilet Seat anyway so we may as well sit back and enjoy watching him sweat.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Peter da Squid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2006 at 9:03pm
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you're onto it Smudge
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote KeenAs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2006 at 9:13pm
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has an appropriate venue been selected Squid? is the seat CleenAs?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Boulder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 8:10am
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Waiting SmileWaitingBig smile
Clearly this is going to take a great deal of creative writing to explain how his crew were at fault for the whole weekend.Confused Since he has been nattering off to others that his crew were a bunch of squabbling children that he had to exercise parental control over for the whole weekend, I see the way this is going to endCry 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote billfish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 1:28pm
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Evil Smile  Oh this is gonna be too easy.  My treacherous, erstwhile crewmates present such inviting targets and with such fecund material to work with they would be wise to have kept there mouths shut..difficult though that might be for them.   Stay tuned muppets. Oh yes, there's gonna be some virtual blood spilt here.   But it won't be mine.  Killing swine and old farts is always such a messy business I find.  But such is the war on terror.  As always, the first casualty has been the Truth.  I intend to right that matter but first I've just got to finish sharpening all my knives and I'll be back.  Good things take a little time, right? 

 
Meanwhile I commend the wisdom of Your Honour, Brother Squid, for staying your hand at this difficult time.  The denfense is preparing its case and will, as always, be relying on your most noble and honourable self to ensure that justice be done, and be seen to be done. 
Ummm...Perhaps Your Honour might find a pre hearing brief useful at, oh I don't know, *********** perhaps.  Just so happens I'm going there tomorrow and it would be most convenient to have a guest along to share a bottle of JB with (isn't that your favourite? .. how convenient)  'Always pays to have a full grasp of the salient facts before the rigours of the trial right?.
 
I should add that I am most grateful to sweet fortune that she has spared me trial by Jury.  I fear I would already be on the rack if you hopeless lot were asked to decide my guilt.  What....with only the word of Kezza, Piglet!!! and Boulder as my accusers?????   Look to yourselves muppets.  For shame!
 
And a word to the wise: one of the above mentioned ratbags wields the power of Moderator and can alter any post, even this, to distort the truth, as AC (my first witness) will testify.  How long will it be before he turns on you?
 
Billy Bongwozzel perhaps .....Willie Wongnozzel never!































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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bender Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 2:10pm
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Billy, the word fecund refers to fertile, in terms of breeding. I hope your not referring to the fact that your crew may, or are able to breed? Too too scarey

Nobody has ever come up with a great idea after a second bottle of water.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bushpig Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 2:30pm
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Originally posted by billfish billfish wrote:

    As always, the first casualty has been the Truth.  I

 
One would never accuse you of the truth, Wongnozzel

Originally posted by billfish billfish wrote:


Billy Bongwozzel perhaps .....Willie Wongnozzel never!


How about Billywongloo ?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Boulder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 2:47pm
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I see the way this is going to endCry 
My predictive powers were up to full speed as it appears William wongnozzle is about to conduct his "defense" by throwing bucket fulls at the fan and stepping back. Bribery of the right Honorable PDS will be a very JD expensive process billy and it would be much cheaper to step up to the podium and accept this award with all the dignity you have left to muster.Unhappy
Note I have made no mention of the heart palpitations you were having least Mr Plod bother to check that you had a current WOF or Rego on your boat trailer while he was checking you out for pending warrants to arrestWink
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote JW Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 4:32pm
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Someone seems to have a fair bit of court experience. I hope it was for the right reasons but by the way the judge is being manipulated I'd suggest it was for the wrong reasons.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote billfish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 4:35pm
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Bender:  Yes, fecund as in Rich, as in bountiful as in fertile as in shyte, as in my accusers.     
 
Also, last time I looked, North West Reef aka Cut a Groove reef aka Tas Reef aka Bushies Reef belongs to us all.  It doesn't need your personal protection.  Best you get over it.  Or is North West Reef a dirty word on this forum now.
 
Piglet:  The truth????   Don't waste my time you wizened wasted wastrel of a waste wizard.  Your wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on your bountiful behind.
 
Boulder:  Listen up Yoda (The resembalence is quite striking really when you think about it)  Publish and be dammed.   Just spell my name right you muppet.    
 
Cleaning my knives??  Forget it.  I'm packing for bear now.
 
Billy Ponguzzel
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bushpig Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2006 at 4:48pm
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Originally posted by billfish billfish wrote:

Bender:  Yes, fecund as in Rich, as in bountiful as in fertile as in shyte, as in my accusers.     
 
Also, last time I looked, North West Reef aka Cut a Groove reef aka Tas Reef aka Bushies Reef belongs to us all.  It doesn't need your personal protection.  Best you get over it.  Or is North West Reef a dirty word on this forum now.
 

Billy Ponguzzel


Obviously map reading isnt a skill you posess. Perhaps this explains why you are refered to as Nilfish on a regular basis.

Now study the map and think about it for a while, muppet
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote billfish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Jun 2006 at 2:55pm
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Unfortuately It seems my defense council have decided its all a bit pointless and that I am a lost cause and bailed on me.  Gutless currs!   Therefore I have decided to face the inevitable full on and accept my doom.
 
For the record however I plead the following:
 
1.   Filling a diesel landcruiser with 91 octane............  GUILTY   although there were compelling extenuating circumstances, not least being letting bushpig and boulder take charge of filling the tanks while I ducked in to the toilets.  I was however responsible for leaving those to children unattended and so I suppose I must share the blame.  That this Court might see through the hand washing exercise of those two muppets as they seek to distance themselves from all blame I hold little hope. 

2.   Taking a dump in womans toilet at the gaser then starting up a conversation with a lady in the next cubicle................NOT GUILTY.   It was actually a well known glory hole and I was giving her way more than she had hoped for.
                        
3.   Giving personal details to a policeman for speeding. ....... NOT GUILTY.   I actually gave him bushpigs details - as he will soon find out no doubt when the pink envelope arrives in  a few days.

4.    Jack kniving the trailor several times on a double laned ramp then launching boat into big poles...........................NOT GUILTY.   The boat left the trailer straight but the dickhead Pigat the helm hasn't got a clue how to operate a boat let alone a throttle.  Last time I let him anywhere near the steering wheel.

5- Leaving your bestest mate Squid in Auckland.   Not Guilty.   As you well know when you heard who I was to be saddled with for the next 4 days ( Pig & Geek ) you decided you would rather clean out the septic tank at home than be anywhere near those two rabble.    However, as a generous sort of bloke please accept my invitation to a session next week.
 
The defense rests and awaits the execution.  Dead
 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Peter da Squid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Jun 2006 at 5:04pm
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Before I can make a final decision,  I am  currently waiting on the last of a few PM's from a hand picked Jury.

Let me make this clear Bill, ruthlesness and cruelty arent traits that belong in my bag of cunningness which is why I hand picked a group of 7 forum members who will remain anonymous(fear of being run over) to decide your fate- fairest way!

off the record, it aint looking flash for youThumbs Down

next week session you say? suppose I'll have to hand that envelope back to you that arrived this morning??
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Boulder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Jun 2006 at 7:44pm
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Final plea for the prosecution
 

Boulder acting for self

Lost on the Corromandel

 

 

Court of fishing >net

 

Billy wongnozzle,

            Defendent,

      vs.

The esteemed mater Bushpig , The greatly esteemed Boulder,

            Prosocutoers

Case No.: Dunney seat 5

 

KOTC **** ups

Unfortuately It seems my defense council have decided its all a bit pointless and that I am a lost cause and bailed on me.  Gutless currs!   Therefore I have decided to face the inevitable full on and accept my doom.

 

For the record however I plead the following:

 

1.   Filling a diesel landcruiser with 91 octane............  GUILTY   although there were compelling extenuating circumstances, not least being letting bushpig and boulder take charge of filling the tanks while I ducked in to the toilets.  I was however responsible for leaving those to children unattended and so I suppose I must share the blame.  That this Court might see through the hand washing exercise of those two muppets as they seek to distance themselves from all blame I hold little hope. 

2.   Taking a dump in womans toilet at the gaser then starting up a conversation with a lady in the next cubicle................
NOT GUILTY.   It was actually a well known glory hole and I was giving her way more than she had hoped for.
                        
3.   Giving personal details to a policeman for speeding. .......
NOT GUILTY.   I actually gave him bushpigs details - as he will soon find out no doubt when the pink envelope arrives in  a few days.

4.    Jack kniving the trailor several times on a double laned ramp then launching boat into big poles...........................
NOT GUILTY.   The boat left the trailer straight but the dickhead at the helm hasn't got a clue how to operate a boat let alone a throttle.  Last time I let him anywhere near the steering wheel.

5- Leaving your bestest mate Squid in Auckland.  
Not Guilty.   As you well know when you heard who I was to be saddled with for the next 4 days (  &  ) you decided you would rather clean out the septic tank at home than be anywhere near those two rabble.    However, as a generous sort of bloke please accept my invitation to a session next week.

 

The defense rests and awaits the execution. 

 

Point 1

It is alleged by this lying cur that we filled the tank! Plainly both Bushpig and I were inside in the queue for coffee and Breakfast food when an apparition appeared at the door clutching what appeared to be a huge red beach ball. This later transpired to be one Billfish wailing and groaning in a hideous manner causing trauma and concern to all parties present. GUILTY

Point 2

It was not just the womanís toilet but was in fact the Handicapped version. We the crew suffered great embarrassment and humiliation when said lady a matron of 50+ called and waved to us on her return to her table. Not content with that she followed (stalked) billfish back up to the petrol infected Landcruiser plying the defendant with come on lines!!!!!!! GUILTY

Item 3

Plainly a false declaration as if he had given Mr Plod Bushpigs details he would have been arrested on the spot! GUILTY

Item 4

I cannot attest to the finer points of this as by then I was determinedly facing away from the gathered crowd who were all on the point of cheering! As a consequence I was perfectly positioned to strongly fend off the boat as we glided ungracefully between the piles. GUILTY

Item 5

Those of us that know the judges propensity for consuming large quantities of Bourbon may have an inkling of why he was selected as a non starter on this occaision  GUILTY WITH MITIGATION

There can only be one outcome of this debacle and that is to declare the defendant Billy Wongnozzle guilty and award damages of as much as they cam drink to his much maligned CREW

Boulder & Bushpig

 

Dated this 29th day of June, 2006

 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote billfish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Jun 2006 at 10:55pm
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Hahahahaha!  Too funny! And too good.  I give up.  Guilty as charged your Honour.  Where's the bar?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote A C Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2006 at 6:41pm
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Headline

WARNING

" Three fugitve shoit lockers at large"

Distinguishing features include two small heads, three tiny ones and a melon. Whilst they can appear docile and disengaged to the untrained eye DO NOT approach these moblile compost machines as they leave behind them vicious a trail of lettuce leaves pie crumbs empty chip packets and tab ends.

Authorities believe the three at large could be disguised as fishermen and as such should be easily identified by a trail of black smoke and knocking sound from an old land cruiser that travels twice the speed of sound.




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