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Bazza - The Boss

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    Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 1:45pm
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A businessman went into a hotel and asked to see Bazza, the boss. When Bazza came, the story began.

-The client: is room 39 empty?
-The boss: yes, sir.
-The client: can I book it?
-The boss: of course you can.
-The client: thank you.

Before going to the room, the client asked Bazza to provide him with a black knife, a white thread 39 cm, and an orange 73g.

Bazza agreed though he was surprised at the weird things the client asked to have.

The client went into his room, he didn't ask for food or anything else.

Unfortunately for Bazza, his room was next to room 39.

After midnight, Bazza heard strange voices and noise in that client's room. Voices of wild animals and of utensils and dishes being thrown on the floor.

Bazza didn't sleep that night. He kept thinking and wondering what might be the source of the noise.

In the morning, when the client handed the keys to Bazza, the latter asked to see the room first.

He went to the room and found everything alright. Nothing unusual. He even found the thread, the black knife and the orange on the table.

The client paid the bill and gave the bellboys a very good tip and left the hotel smiling.

The boss was in a shock but he didn't reveal what he heard to the bellboys. In fact, he started to doubt himself.

After one year, the client showed up again. He asked to see Bazza again. Bazza was in a puzzle.

The client asked the same things: room 39, black knife, white thread 39cm and an orange 79g.

This time, Bazza wanted to know the truth by all means possible. He spent a sleepless night, waiting for something to happen. After midnight, the same voices and noises started, this time louder and more indecipherable than the year before.

Again, before leaving, the client paid his bill and left a large tip on the table for the bellboys. The smile didn't leave his face.

Bazza started searching for the meaning of everything the client asked to have. Why did he ask room 39? why the white thread? why the black knife??? In fact, the boss didn't arrive at any convincing answer to all these questions.

Bazza now was eagerly waiting for the month of March, the month in which the client showed up.

To his surprise, on the first day of March, the same client showed up. He asked the same questions. Wanted to book the same room, wanted to have the same things as before.

Bazza again heard the same noises, this time more louder than before.

In the morning, when the client was leaving the hotel, Bazza apologized politely to the client and asked to know the secret behind the noises in the room.

-''If I tell you the secret, do you promise to never reveal it to anyone else?''
-''I promise I will never let anyone know''.
-''Swear''
-''I swear I won't reveal your secret''
So finally, the client revealed his secret to the boss.

Unfortunately, Bazza was a sincere person. Until now he hasn't revealed his secret to anyone.

When he does, I will let you know...LOL

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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Tagit Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 2:19pm
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One of those ones! Many years ago there was a joke doing the rounds that you dragged out for at least 5 minutes, but 10 was more fun, as some poor imaginary guy went through a door and down a corridor then turned right through another door........Anyone remember the punch line??
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 3:13pm
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He got lost?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Tagit Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 3:27pm
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Nope. If I remember a bit more of the joke he was trying to locate a room where some terrifying sounds were coming from. There might also have been a farmer with 3 gorgeous daughters involved but might be getting confused with another joke there!
You might need to be over 40 to remember this one but the Bazza joke just reminded me of it. Clue - has non-offensive religious content
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Tagit Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 3:30pm
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Quick search and I found the joke online. Definitely no farmer and no daughters. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 3:42pm
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Originally posted by Tagit Tagit wrote:

Quick search and I found the joke online. Definitely no farmer and no daughters. 

Post it up Dave, its cold and wet up hereWink
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 4:05pm
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Kinda reminds me of the time you were ship wrecked on an island Al with only a sheep & a sheep dog for company. Seem to remember you saying as time went by & you grew increasingly lonely the sheep began to look more & more attractive but every time you tried to get close the dog would begin to snarl.
 
As the months went by Al became all the more frustrated until one day a beautiful, yet near death from exhaustion, buxom blond washed up on shore & Catchelot busied himself with nursing her back to health.
 
In due course due to his devotion, she completely regained her health & was so grateful she asked Al in a seductive voice, " Is there anything at all I can do to help you overcome the loneliness you have endured all the time spent on this island as a castaway?"
 
Without the slightest hesitation Al replied in bated breath ....... "Yes indeed there is" then said "can you please take the dog for a walk ?"
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Tomatoes are soft so don't cut the skin.
But these ones do cos they're still in the tin !
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Tagit Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 5:20pm
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Just for you AL

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a 
Buddhist monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on 
the door, and says, "My car broke down.  Do you think I 
could stay the night?"

 The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even 
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a 
strange sound.  The next morning, he asks the monks what 
the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not
 a monk."

 The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes 
home.               

 Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the 
same monastery.  The monks again accept him, feed him, even 
fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise 
that he had heard years earlier.

 The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks 
reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

 The man says, "All right, all right.  I'm dying to know. 
 If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to 
become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

 The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us 
how many blades of grass there are and the exact number 
of sand pebbles.  When you find these numbers, 
grasshopper, you will become a true monk."                           

 The man sets about his task.  Some forty-five years later, 
he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.  He 
says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you 
have asked for.  There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass 
and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

 The monks reply, "Welcome. You are now a monk.  We shall 
now show you the way to the sound."

 The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head 
monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."

 The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
 He says, "Master, give me the key."

 The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.  Behind 
the wooden door is another door made of stone.  The man
 demands the key to the stone door.  The monks give him the 
key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. 
 He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.  
Behind that door is another door, this one made of 
sapphire.  So it went until the man had gone through 
doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst, and 
gold.

 Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last 
door." The man is ready.  He unlocks the jade door, turns 
the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the 
source of that strange sound.

 But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a 
monk.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Steps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 5:21pm
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Tagit  the long stories used to be called shaggy dog stories/ jokes.
Wasnt the farmers daughters about 2 out of 3 ppl have wetbix for breakfast?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (4) Likes(4)   Quote Joker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 5:54pm
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Not related but the funniest this week
 

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her dad and stands next to the chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says:

"Your gonna get hair on your muffin!

" I know," she says.

 "I'm gonna get tits too, you dirty old *******."

 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Tagit Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 5:59pm
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Originally posted by Steps Steps wrote:

Tagit  the long stories used to be called shaggy dog stories/ jokes.
Wasnt the farmers daughters about 2 out of 3 ppl have wetbix for breakfast?
I really can't remember Steps. I have a vague suspicion that it was rather rude but can't remember the story now. Might have been connected to the joke about how a guy choose his wife from a selection of lovely potential brides but I could have that wrong as well.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote kitno Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 6:57pm
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Two bloke's were putting weather boards on a house, Bazza and Catchelot. Partway into it, Catchelot noticed that Bazza was throwing every second or third nail over his shoulder. Why are you throwing nails away Bazza? Catchelot asked. The heads on the wrong end replied Bazza. You're a idiot said Catchelot, they're for the other side of the house.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 7:43pm
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Originally posted by kitno kitno wrote:

Two bloke's were putting weather boards on a house, Bazza and Catchelot. Partway into it, Catchelot noticed that Bazza was throwing every second or third nail over his shoulder. Why are you throwing nails away Bazza? Catchelot asked. The heads on the wrong end replied Bazza. You're a idiot said Catchelot, they're for the other side of the house.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2018 at 7:58pm
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Originally posted by Joker Joker wrote:

Not related but the funniest this week
 

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her dad and stands next to the chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says:

"Your gonna get hair on your muffin!

" I know," she says.

 

"I'm gonna get tits too, you dirty old *******."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sounds like it could be the same barber who used to take delight in running his hands across the heads of any bald customers whilst stating "geez that feels as smooth as my wifes' bottom"

Then one day a bald customer responded by running his hands over his own head whilst saying thoughtfully "By crikey you are right !"

 

I know a Politician called Tim,
I like throwing tomatoes at him.
Tomatoes are soft so don't cut the skin.
But these ones do cos they're still in the tin !
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