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Catchelots new job didn't last long ........

Post Options Post Options   Likes (7) Likes(7)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Catchelots new job didn't last long ........
    Posted: 26 May 2018 at 3:51pm
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Titanium
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A real shame after he went to so much trouble completing the job application form, which read as follows :-

NAME:

Al Halvorson aka (Grumpy)

SEX:

Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITON:

Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.

If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

 

DESIRED SALARY:  

$150,000 a year plus share options and a Winston Peters’ style redundancy package.

If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.  

 

EDUCATION:

Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:  

Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:  

A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.  

 

REASON FOR LEAVING:

It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:

1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT

YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:

Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:

On the job - no!  On my breaks - maybe, but not tobacco!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks

I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:

12 Kms

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

Oh yes. absolutely & I am a fisherman so unable to be untruthful or even exaggerate.

------

After landing his new job as a Bunnings Greeter he started with enthusiasm.  But unfortunately lasted less than a day.

This was the sequence of events in his own words :-

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids,   yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.  

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly,

"Good morning and welcome to Bunnings."

I then said,   "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say,

"No, they ain't effin twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7, why the hell would

you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just effin stupid?"

I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged

you twice....

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

That an erect penis has no conscience ..... is an indisputable fact of life.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Transformations Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 May 2018 at 5:40pm
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πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
We don't know what we don't need till we've got it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote funandfunction Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 May 2018 at 8:54pm
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Bazza, that was very unkind of you to reveal something that Catchelot told you in confidence. I still had a good laugh though and thank you for being a *%#@^!
There are two types of people in the world: those that divide people into two types and those that don't.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 May 2018 at 8:18am
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Titanium
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Hahaha good one Baz... this pics sums me upApprove


"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Barrie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 May 2018 at 11:10am
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Titanium
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To be honest, I think Catchalot would be far better employed in the diplomacy line. H would be a great diplomatic to be in our United States embassy or maybe in North Korea?

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