" self appointed council for the unjustly accused" . . what say you to the above ???

I wasnt trying to break it at that stage,(was there going to be a stage where you would try and break it??) thought it might pop free,(was it hooked onto a balloon rock?? tough rocks those ones fo sho) if it hadnt then I would have resorted to the towel in hand breaking(mmm . .  backwards in going forwards??) - had to do it that way in the end( coz i had broken my freakkin rod!!)

 

Shouldnt the "unjustly accused's" skipper be defending his crew?

 

Or is he thirsty??

 

 

 

 

 

 

order, order in the court, Bender gets it cause Bushy said if he dose he will have a hell dummy spit, and also his wife may leave him and then we my precious gets to keeps his wares.......

Phats hell no it was me who said his snap may go close was a tad short but still a PB and he showed you all how to catch a fish or two.

THAT IS ALL.

yes, then it would have ended up a right circus

Chief Justice Sir Horatio Wongnozzel Billfish,

I wish to file an Amicus brief as a �friend of the court�. I have always liked courts, all those nice straight white lines and some even have nets�.hmmmm�.nets�. but I digress.

It has come to my attention that we are in danger of  seeing a gross miscarriage of justice as not all the available acts of muppetry have been placed before the court to ensure such an erudite man as yourself can correctly evaluate the miscreants involved.

Two other acts of complete muppetry occurred on my fine vessel and until I had reached that state of mental clarity that can only be achieved once one has consumed the contents of a bottle of  that �eau de vie� that is distilled by the fine gentlemen from Islay, I did not connect said acts together and realise that they must both have been committed by a certain member of this forum who had the audacity to out fish me on my own vessel. Said �out fishing� has, of course, absolutely nothing to do with the preparation of this brief. No sir, nothing at all to do with it, although I must add that being outfished on the Friday was also in no way connected to my making sure that the none of the participants who fished from my vessel on subsequent days caught any quantity of  fish whatsoever. I am not a petty and vindicative man.

The forum member to whom I refer is, of course, the well known muppet Bender.

The first of the two events was the disappearance of a vital part of clamp used to attach my filleting board to the stern rail on my vessel to allow the filleting of the catch whilst remaining upright so as not to damage my back. Now, because said member, Bender, had the disrespect to catch more and larger fish than me, the skipper and owner of the vessel, I insisted that he fillet not only his own catch but also those paltry few fish I had managed to retrieve from the depths myself. I had the kindness to provide said member with my filleting board and thus save him from damaging his back by crouching in the cockpit whilst completeing this task.

On completion of the filleting he removed the apparatus from the rail and proceeded to the duck board to clean it. At this time the handle that allows the clamp to operate must have still been attached to said board. However on completion of the task of cleaning the board it was discovered that the handle was now missing and could not be found anywhere on the vessel.

Now, being the reserved gentleman that I am, I refrained from any outburst of anger or disappointment, and did not undertake a search of the the pockets and body cavities of Bender to ascertain whether he had simply been attracted to the nice shiny stainless steel handle and decided to avail himself of the opportunity to obtain a momento of his time aboard such a fine vessel as mine. I would never cast such an aspersion as to suggest that he deliberately removed said object. I can therefore only assume that the muppet managed to drop it overboard whilst washing it!

Now the second event was not discovered until the next day when one of my crew for that day, a certain Mr Craysee, attempted to avail himself of the ablution facilities on my vessel to evacuate the curry he had consumed the previous night. That curry was prepared by none other than the same forum member detailed above, Bender.

Mr Craysee managed, with some alacrity, to evacuate everything he had consumed in the previous 24 hours into the toilet on my vessel with such speed and power that he distroyed the receptacle completely and from that point forward the toilet ceased functioning at all.

Now, you, like me, may have been tempted to blame Mr Craysee for the results of his actions. BUT, after consuming 750 ml of  Islays finest malt last night, it became abundantly clear to me that it was the fault of the aforementioned Bender as he concocted a disastrous brew of such force that poor Mr Craysee was completely unable to control the �outcome�.

I therefore submit that when combined with the previous evidence supplied to your august person, it is readily apparent that this member, Bender, is the only logical recipient of  the award currently in your tender care.

I would just like to add that, in the true spirit of the Toilet Seat Award, I have not in any way allowed facts to cloud the evidence I have presented in this brief.

I remain your faithful servant

SaltyC Esq

SaltyC: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.

Lord Billy "Wheresmymedication" Ryan: And therefore?

Bender: A witch!