Interview with a fat man

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    Posted: 13 Dec 2007 at 10:53pm
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Santa, I have been good … once …. what will I get for Christmas?

 

Smudge, I only visit houses with little kids, I will leave some great things for young Scotty but you really need to adjust to the fact that all of your Christmases have been and gone.

 

That’s disappointing to hear but to be honest Santa, there’s a lot of bad bad men that use this site, if you look at the membership list you will be able to save a little time on Christmas eve if you leave their places out.

 

Like I said Smudge, Christmas is for kids ok?

 

|OK. I understand. Tell me Santa, do you like fishing?

 

Well yes I do, there’s nothing I like more than a nice warm beer while catching North Atlantic Ice Cod on a freezing cold summer night.

 

Sounds good Santa, what bait do you use?

 

Well I tried those Soft Plastics but it’s so cold up here that you need to warm them up in the fridge to get them on the hook, then when you get a bite the rod snaps, so it’s plain old stray lining for me. Best bait by far is fresh penguin strips.

 

Wow, you’re obviously a very cool person, what gifts do you hate giving little kids?

 

Cheap fishing tackle like that stuff I gave your kids a few years back Smudge, but like everyone else I have a budget to work to.

 

What do you do with yourself on those long dark winter nights with only elves for company?

 

Elves are very nice beings once you get used to them. We had some trouble last year when one of my helpers found a stash in this place in West Auckland. He threw a party and put something in the cakes. Man did we get $*!% faced. I had to fire him. Btw Smudge how is your friend PdS?

 

I haven’t seen him for ages Santa, I hope to catch up with him this weekend, I’ll say hi. Next time you’re in New Zealand watch out for those Target TV cameras, it would ruin Christmas for a lot of kids if you were caught on film rummaging through peoples drawers.

 

I have standards Smudge, I’m also a supernatural being and don’t show up on film.

 

That’s impressive Santa, I send you a PM later, I have a favour to ask.

 

No problemo Smudge old buddy.

 

What are you going to get for a guy like Boulder?

 

Like I said earlier, I only visit houses with little kids. Boulders’ new grand daughter is a real cutie and she will get spoilt I can tell you that much! Actually my database was updated just yesterday with the addition of Lily Craysee, her dad uses www.fishing.net.nz  forums. Actually there’s a lot of other kids whose dads’ use the same forums I visit them all! Actually I’ll let you in on a little secret, don’t tell anyone OK? When he was a kid, Boulder didn’t have a lot of toys. He’s making up for it now though.

 

You knew Boulder when he was a kid? That’s amazing!

 

Smudge I am 2087 years old, I know everyone.

 

Will you be visiting Bushpig?

Let’s just stick to the serious questions Smudge, I’m a very busy man at this time of the year.

 

Sorry Santa. Do you really get joy from making all those little kids happy when they line up at the shopping malls for your photo, or are you really just peering at all the hot mums underneath all those whiskers?

 

I exist in a quantum nuclear gradient, diametrically opposed to the physical world, 3° south of the North Pole in a 4 dimensional time/space continuum, I socialize with elves and my best friend is a reindeer, of course I check out the mums.

 

Is there a Mrs Claus?

 

No, would you want to be married for over 2000 years?

 

What’s your favourite movie?

 

Borat, I enjoy documentaries from the real world.

 

LCD or Plasma?

 

I have this groovy new holographic system that R&D are developing for next year, you will never watch television again!

 

What song do you hate the most?

Snoopy’s Christmas. That little bastid doesn’t own Christmas, it’s mine! I used to have exclusive rights to Christmas, I owned the trademark but I got too busy after WW1 and let the payment lapse and that little c&#% of a dog picked it up. If I get my hands on that little mongrel ….. ahhh never mind. Speaking of guys that piss me off, I have a bone to pick with that Capt. Asparagus fellow, he’s no superhero, just another one trying to cash in on the good name of the League of Superheroes Everyone Respects or L.O.S.E.R.S. for short.

 

Whoa, settle down Big Boy, the good Captain is one of the wise sages on this site and everyone likes him.

 

Sorry Smudge, I get these feelings of paranoia and uncontrolled rage ever since that frikken elf poisoned the cookies.

 

What you need is to chill out and go fishing Santa. What are you planning for the off season?

 

I have a polar bear problem but I scored a nice little 7mm Magnum with bipod, scope and suppressor off Trademe for only $650 so I hope to do a little shooting. If the weathers right I might head on down your way and get a days snapper fishing in with Damo.


Ok thanks Santa, have a Merry Christmas!!

 

Ho Ho Ho, you too Smudge and I hope all the forum have a really great time.

 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Peter da Squid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2007 at 11:27pm
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LOL you hook us up some of them cookies aye!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moocha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Dec 2007 at 11:44pm
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LOLLOLLOL

Santa needs a desert Eagle Wink
 
all class Thumbs%20Up
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Bender Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 8:52am
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Nice
Nobody has ever come up with a great idea after a second bottle of water.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Finatic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 9:20am
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No pressies for the spearos, okay Santa?
What's the cheapest type of meat? Dear balls. They're under a buck.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote LEVCAT Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 9:48am
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haha... good for a laugh...

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote KeenAs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 1:58pm
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LOLTop effort SmudgeThumbs%20Up
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Dohboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 4:12pm
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Thats the best yet , well doneClapClapClapClapClap
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kezza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 5:23pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Phats Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 5:31pm
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Clap  Ripper Smudge...very clever

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 6:23pm
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Don't thank me, thank Santa.
 
Kerren Thumbs%20Up, good times.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Boulder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 6:38pm
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well done smudge, but to tell the truth I had lots of toys its just that I am a greedy Hua and want everything no exceptions
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Blue Asparagus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 6:50pm
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nice one santa, have agoody over xmas smudge,hope to get you out next year.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote of2fsh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Dec 2007 at 7:08pm
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Nice work Smudge,well done Thumbs%20Up
2009 and 2010 BERKLEY SOFTBAIT COMP CHAMPS,Runner up 2013 ( solo),winner 2013/14 longest kingfish nz fishing competition
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