No I'm not talking about dying or wearing womens clothing. What I am talking about is crossing over and becoming one of you...
Yes another local, tight lipped, stiff @$$ed, obnoxious Kiwi.
What ya'll don't know is that Hellfish was born and raised in the Southern California sunshine, (sunshine? whats that?).
Always brainwashed to believe that I lived in the best place on earth, had everything I could ever want, need, ask for... The life of an elitist american snob was in the works.
A few years back a nice little kiwi girl caught my attention and dragged me down here kicking and screaming.
Today I recieved a phone call from some lame American fishing guru and my best friend, who've teamed up for some film and royally pissed me off. They went on talking trash (in a serious and non-joking tone) about my living in a communist society, how I am a sell out and traitor to my country yadda yadda yadda...
For probably the first time since I moved here, I became a proud Kiwi! I jumped so far down their elitist American throats that I grabbed ahold of their large intestine and made them choke on it.
I'm sick to death of the constant American need for one-upmanship, The judging of their personal wealth by their amount of debt, I'm sick of George Bush and his forgein policy on Iraq. I'm sick of reading about Arnold wanting to be the governor of the state I grew up in. Even more I don't ever want to go home and try to eat a fish from off the beach. Until I came here, I never knew that the Ocean was clear enough to see the bottom at 20m. I had never seen a beach without a sewer treatment plant dumping toxic waste onto the shore and seeing toxic warning signs for 6 miles in either direction.
Yeah the Americans have Wal-mart, Home Depot, and Best Buy. So flippin what???
We have Warehouse, Mitre 10, and Noel Leeming!!!
I like the idea of Rush Hour lasting 15 minutes instead of 4 hours. Our speed limit on the roads maybe only 100kms but at least we can travel that fast without hitting a traffic jam. The air is clean and no smog. The water is clean and clear without pollution. The people are still a bit weird about my accent, and the Snapper Fishing is out of this world!
I've crossed over and become one of you. Hope you enjoy my cracks on American Behavior in my upcoming signatures.
I might be American by Birth... But I am Kiwi by Choice!!!
Thank you guys.
What am I trying to say you ask?
In the words of the comedian Yakov Schmirnoff
I Love this Country!!!
A Bloody Yank !!!!........ just joking mate........ we all have to be born somewhere and you have no control over that your brought into this world by the folks who love you..... so be it, your alive and kicking.......
and by fate you managed to find this weeee place downunder then lets all enjoy it before the rest manage to find it........
Welcome aboard Hellfish you Kiwi you........
Yeah Dude,
Like totally I thought you were like a fellow wavemeister surfer type dude!
With sewer treatment plants dumping untreated sludge on the beach do you ever wonder what the Americans use for burley?
Just pinch a loaf in the surf and find out!!!
Actually the only ones crazy and desparate enough to fish off the beach are the Phillipino's. No local californian will eat a locally caught fish.
Even the mountain lakes and streams are so contaminated that Trout won't grow there naturally, even they have to be brought in from the test tube hatchery.
Ahh, welcome aboard HF........I too made the startling metamorphisis from a different place, many years back.
This place is truley majical !! but you must wear a knotted hanky on your head for your first four summers here for the metamorphisis to occur.
ah hellfish, your starting to see yanks the way the rest of the world does. at least you coulda been from the great white north, sheesh. all in jest mate, don't declare me a terrorist and start bombing me ok?
and kfsi, i will call meself a kiwi when my citizenship comes through and i get to vote, green o'course!
Howdy Hellfish, MMM wondered about you I did , Na not realy welcome to the real world of the magic land of kiwi.
I have a good friend who has spent a fair bit of time in the states and he calls yanks, septic tanks or sepos for short, must be talking about the ones that like home grown fish.
Yup we have the best piece of Gods own little acre in the world here mate, and we had better start fighting for it and guarding it.
Because its a sad arsed fact that we wont have it for much longer, Red Hellen and her gang of thieving revenue collecting Fools are going to have an auction soon, and sell the bloody lot to the fish farmers or any one else that has a big enough dept to think they have great wealth.
Now Spina,
I was having a nice settled morning........then you mentioned Uncle Helen.. Aaaaaaarrrrggggg
Kerren,
So what was it that drew you immigrant types to New Zealand? As I mentioned, a hot and sexy kiwi girl dragged me here kicking and screaming.
What is it that gave you the inspiration to seek residence? Divorce Lawyers and the fear of being without my Hot and Sexy Wife. Then I realized the outdoor sports were of the gods!
What sets "us" apart from the rest of the globe? Well the fish don't swim in sewer discharge, Traffic patterns, Lifestyles of the Poor, Destitute, and Impoverished but happy.
I grew up in a neighborhood of pretty weathly people. When I was a kid I delivered the morning newspaper to Kevin Costner and Rick Deez (The weekly top 40 guy). But really when it comes down to it they put their pants on just like anyone else and Kevin didn't tip for porching his paper.
Okay so my neighbors aren't celebs or millionaires SO WHAT! I'd rather bitch at the guy next door about his stinking cows than have to call a lawyer at 1am to call Kevins lawyer to tell Kevin to turn down his stereo.
And yes we did build a Potato Gun and launch a spud through Kevins sliding window and it hit his mom while she was sleeping.
kingfishsi, like YOU should be worried about where your tax dollars are going, you lazy sod, your AT WORK! like the tax on the money you get for writing on the discussion forum all day should not be given to people who need it to feed their families, when all your gonna do is spend it on beer while trying to get laid.
and ac, it is a common mistake that we in canada do not have guns, we have as many guns as americans per capita (watch "bowling for columbine") we just kill different stuff. now i am off to feed my cat that trevally that i caught yesterday, can't think of anything else to do with it.
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