Fishing Humour

Page  <1 454455456457458 470>
 Rating: Topic Rating: 3 Votes, Average 5.00  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jun 2021 at 9:34am
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2021 at 7:05am
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2021 at 8:25pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
Lawyer : (To wealthy art collector tycoon.)
"I have some good news and I have some bad news”.
Tycoon : "I’ve had an awful day, let's hear the good news first”.
Lawyer : “Your wife invested 15,000 in two pictures today that
she figures are worth a minimum of 12 million”.
Tycoon : (Enthusiastically) “Well done, very good news indeed!
You've just made my day. Now what’s the bad news
Lawyer : “The pictures are of you shagging your secretary”.
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2021 at 8:27pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2021 at 8:28pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2021 at 8:30pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Jul 2021 at 1:04pm
Pcj View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2019
Location: papakura
Status: Online
Points: 3202
A Farmer named Paddy had a car accident.
He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the Solicitor.
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit Cow, Bessie, into da... '
'I didn't ask for any details', the Solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'
Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da Trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '
The Solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this Man told the Police on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the Solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite Cow, Bessie'.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit Cow, into de Trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet Truck and Trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me Trailer right in da side.
I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a Policeman on a Motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her.
After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his Gun and shot her between the Eyes.
Den da Policeman came across de road, Gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'
'Now wot da fock would you say?'
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jul 2021 at 1:42pm
Mr Moritz View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Location: Brockenwood
Status: Offline
Points: 4381
From Herald July 6th

CURE FOR HICCUPS
I was in hospital having an appendix out when I got an attack of hiccups. I asked a nurse if there was any cure. "Not really", she said. "It will eventually go away on it's own. We recently had a patient who had hiccups for four days." So what did they do to make it stop. "Nothing really." She assured me. "He just died." My own hiccups stopped instantly.    
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2021 at 2:03pm
bazza View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar
OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

Joined: 12 Dec 2006
Location: Mostlyinthepoo
Status: Offline
Points: 17915
A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at
knife-point then asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.

The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want. You can kill me

But please untie the rope and free her.”

 Thief: “You must really love your wife!”

 Man: “No, but she'll be home shortly”.
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jul 2021 at 8:11pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jul 2021 at 8:12pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jul 2021 at 8:13pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jul 2021 at 8:14pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (3) Likes(3)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jul 2021 at 11:01am
Mr Moritz View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Location: Brockenwood
Status: Offline
Points: 4381

 

Yesterday I was at my local Countdown store buying a large bag of

Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue

when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that

no, I didn't have a dog, that I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital

last time …… but that I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care

with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was however a perfect diet and that the way

that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree biscuits and simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to

mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled

with my story.)

 Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the

dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse

and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he

was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from Countdown.

 Don't like shopping there anyway.

Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jul 2021 at 5:52pm
Pcj View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2019
Location: papakura
Status: Online
Points: 3202
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jul 2021 at 12:48pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jul 2021 at 12:53pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jul 2021 at 12:54pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jul 2021 at 12:55pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jul 2021 at 12:56pm
Catchelot View Drop Down
Titanium
Titanium
Avatar

Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Location: Whanga-Vegas
Status: Offline
Points: 47773
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
Back to Top
Page  <1 454455456457458 470>
Forum Jump
Forum Permissions View Drop Down


This page was generated in 0.688 seconds.

Fishing Reports Visit Reports

Saltwater Fishing Reports
Top of the South Fishing Report - 22/03/24

Tasman and Golden Bay snapper still running hot We are not far away from daylight... Read More >

22 Mar 2024
Saltwater Fishing Reports
Bay of Islands Fishing Report - 22/03/24

Variety is the spice of life On one recent trip, the plan was to spend a... Read More >

22 Mar 2024
Saltwater Fishing Reports
Hauraki Gulf Fishing Report - 22/03/24

Fish where the fish are! Catching fish or just going fishing? I tackle this issue... Read More >

22 Mar 2024
Saltwater Fishing Reports
Inner Hauraki Gulf Fishing Report - 22/03/24

Thoughtful tactics required for better fish Over the course of each year the fishing varies,... Read More >

22 Mar 2024
Fishing bite times Fishing bite times

Major Bites

Minor Bites

Major Bites

Minor Bites