Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote kingfishers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Aug 2020 at 10:31am
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"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote BananaBoat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Aug 2020 at 7:53pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote BananaBoat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Aug 2020 at 7:54pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote BananaBoat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Aug 2020 at 7:57pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote corosanta Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Aug 2020 at 10:37am
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My wife was complaining about how I never buy her flowers.

To be honest, I never knew she sold them.
Sitndrinkntalknbullman
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote lingee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Aug 2020 at 2:11pm
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good 1
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2020 at 5:37pm
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 A new and easy test for the horror of Covid 19 is doing the rounds and it's simple, quick and positive (or negative if  you see what I mean).              

Take a glass and pour a decent drink of your favourite whisky into it; then see if you can smell it. If you can, then you are halfway there.       

Then drink it. If you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus because the loss of the sense of smell and taste is a common symptom.        

I tested myself 7 times last night and was virus free every time thank goodness.        

I will have to test myself again today because I have developed a throbbing headache which can also be one of the symptoms.

When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Aug 2020 at 11:50am
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Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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> How to get rid possums!!!
>
>
> In a small town a band of possums had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian Church
> called a meeting to decide what to do about their possum infestation. After
> much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the possums were
> predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine
> will.
>
> At the Baptist Church, the possums had taken an interest in the baptistery.
> The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let
> the possums be simultaneously baptized and drown themselves. The possums
> liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice
> as many possums showed up the following week.
>
> The Lutheran Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of
> God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their possums and set them free
> near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the possums were back when the
> Baptists took down the water slide.
>
> The Methodists tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey
> around their church in an effort to kill the possums with alcohol. They
> sadly learned how much damage a band of drunken possums can do.
>
> But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized
> all the possums and made them members of the church. Now they only see them
> at Christmas and Easter.
>
> And not much was heard from the Jewish Synagogue. They took the first possum
> and circumcised him. They haven't seen a single possum since.
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Aug 2020 at 2:04pm
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A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next race, and it won again.

The local newspaper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local newspaper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is:

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. You’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Aug 2020 at 8:54pm
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New neighbour moved in next door, she asked me to do a few chores she was so nice that she bought me a Stella... 

She told me Big Boy Bazza was her regular that kept her bush trimmed. LOL


"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote brmbrm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Aug 2020 at 9:44pm
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MAN RULES
AT LAST A BLOKE HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.
1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!
1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...
PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...
PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Aug 2020 at 4:27pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Aug 2020 at 8:53pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Aug 2020 at 8:53pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Aug 2020 at 3:48pm
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I wonder if the tyres will popLOL


"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Aug 2020 at 4:56pm
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Anyone for tea


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Jaapie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Sep 2020 at 9:16am
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Hah ha - very good!
LOL LOL
"Only when the last tree has died, the last river has been poisoned and the last fish has been caught,will we realize that we cannot eat money" - 19th Century Indian Creed
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Sep 2020 at 8:14am
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A drunk guy is sitting at a bar by himself one night and throws up all over the front of his shirt
Long
"Oh great, my wife is going to kill me," he mumbles to himself.
The guy sitting next to him sees what has happened and leans over towards him, "hey buddy, just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife the guy sitting next to you threw up on you and he gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned."
Completely inebriated the drunk man thanks his new friend and puts a twenty in his shirt pocket and heads for home.
As soon as he walks thru the front door his wife becomes irate and starts yelling at him," where have you been? you're completely drunk and you're a mess. Look at yourself, you puked all over the front of your shirt."
Completely wasted and slurring his words he explains to the wife, "no no, the guy sitting next to me threw up on my shirt and he gave me $20 to get it cleaned. Look, it's right here in my shirt pocket."
The wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the money, "there's $40 in here."
"Oh yeah, he **** in my pants too."
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Sep 2020 at 5:05pm
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Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked. And In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. Who is it?" calls one of the nuns
"Blind man", replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want the blinds?"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Sep 2020 at 5:08pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Harvey Weinstien with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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