Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Norseman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Jan 2016 at 5:06pm
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"Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding." ~ Betty White
"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength." St. Francis de Sales
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote taihoa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Jan 2016 at 7:59pm
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Originally posted by bazza bazza wrote:

whoops .... missed out the punch line but has now been edited to be included however coastal Stan picked it.
The problem is that he lost 35 of your passengers.Shocked
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Jan 2016 at 8:57pm
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Originally posted by taihoa taihoa wrote:

Originally posted by bazza bazza wrote:

whoops .... missed out the punch line but has now been edited to be included however coastal Stan picked it.
The problem is that he lost 35 of your passengers.Shocked
Geez ......... the sneaky barstool must have done a secret deal with the Capt. based on a quality rating !!
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jan 2016 at 8:54pm
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 Karma.
Suicide bomber gets his 72 virgins
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2016 at 8:17pm
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At a conference held in Russia for diplomats from around the world the Russian representative sat next to his African equivalent & they "hit it off" so well that the Russian decided to entertain his new found friend that evening. 

They ended up partying at all sorts of places but finally ended up well under the influence yet continuing to skol down vodka at a great rate. 

When they were both almost legless the Russian declared that " In Russia we have a tradition of playing a game of chance considered to be the measure of a man & the respect he carries if willing to play !" 

He then lays a revolver on the table whilst explaining the basic rules of playing Russian Roulette & the African suitably fired up with "Dutch courage" agrees to take part nevertheless is greatly relieved to hear a loud click when he pulls the trigger with the barrel of the revolver held to his head. 

Six months later the diplomats conference is being held in Africa & the friendship is renewed with the African returning the hospitality extended by his host whilst in Russia.  

After a long night of eating up large & imbibing in the local hooch to excess the African declares " Here in Africa we have a game of chance that bestows respect on anyone brave enough to play" 

The Russian tentatively asks what is involved but quickly agrees to take part once his host clicks his fingers then six nubile gorgeous looking young ladies parade in front of him & the African explains he has to choose which one he would like to give him oral sex. 

The Russian eagerly commits to taking part in the game but out of curiosity asks " But where is the risk factor ?"

 

The African replies "One of them is a cannibal !!

When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Cpt.Pugwash Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2016 at 8:21pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jan 2016 at 11:24pm
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WELCOME to 2016:

• Our Phones – Wireless

• Cooking – Fireless

• Cars – Keyless

• Food – Fatless

• Tires –Tubeless

• Dress – Sleeveless

• Youth – Jobless

• Leaders – Shameless

• Relationships – Meaningless

• Attitudes – Careless

• Babies – Fatherless

• Feelings – Heartless

• Education – Valueless

• Children – Mannerless

We are SPEECHLESS,

Government is CLUELESS,

And our Politicians are WORTHLESS!

I'm scared – S**tless!
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cpt.Pugwash Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2016 at 7:56am
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Two drovers standing in a bar. One asked, "What are you up to?"

"Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."

"Oh yeah . . and what route are you takin'?"

"Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2016 at 9:10am
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A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.
The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as
they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.

The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years
ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could
not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up… "Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.

"Well I am in the fishing shop next door to that."
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote MacSkipper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jan 2016 at 9:22am
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Originally posted by bazza bazza wrote:

A couple were in a busy shopping center....."
Ha ha good one bazza!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2016 at 5:07pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2016 at 9:48pm
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: HEALTH ISSUES WE SHOULD ALL ADDRESS PROMPTLY 
÷        Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
÷        Do you suffer from shyness?
÷        Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.
 
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone.  Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include:
 Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
 Warnings:
 Ã·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
 Ã·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that   you love them.
 Ã·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
 Ã·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster  and better looking than most people.
 
 Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel it may benefit!
 Now, just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz or Merlot...
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2016 at 5:54pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2016 at 9:07pm
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I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical
advertising in doctors’ offices on everything
from tissues to note pads!  
This one should get first prize:
 
I    e-mailed it to my Japanese doctor friend;
he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than
4 hour, call
erectrician.

(This made me raugh out roud)
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kevin.S Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2016 at 10:43pm
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Hey Bazza, isn't that you in the photo that catchelot posted?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Jan 2016 at 12:09pm
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Tim decided to marry his longtime girlfriend

After the honeymoon was over he was sitting at his work bench adjusting his favourite reels for an upcoming weekend fishing trip with a buddy he had planned.

She was standing watching quietly for a long time,then she said honey now that we are married I think you should give up fishing I think you should sell your rods and boat & spend more time with me!

Tim looked at her with a horrified look on his face then said "for a minute there you sounded very much like my ex wife."

She screamed "Your ex wife ..... I didn't know you were married before !!"
 
"I haven't been he replied"
 
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Jan 2016 at 6:38pm
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Sean the bartender notices that Paddy 
has a broken nose, his face is cut 
and he's walking with a limp. "What
happened to you" asks Sean. 
"Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight"
says Paddy. "That little **** 
O'Connor" says Sean, "he could'nt
do that to you, he must have had 
something in his hand", "That he
did", a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible licking he gave
me with it". "Well" says Sean
"you should have defended yourself
did'nt you have something in your
hand", "that I did" said Paddy,
"Mrs O'Connors breast, and a thing
of beauty it was, but useless in
a fight".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Jan 2016 at 7:20pm
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A old drover takes the horse and buggy in to town to pick up his new wife.On the way home the horse stumbled,That's one said the drover,bit further the horse stumbled again,That's 2,just about home and the horse stumbled for a 3rd time,that's 3,Bang and the horse drops dead.The new wife calls him a mean *******.the old drover replies thats one.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Jan 2016 at 9:08pm
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Originally posted by Kevin.S Kevin.S wrote:

Hey Bazza, isn't that you in the photo that catchelot posted?
 
If it is & don't deny a certain likeness, then where is my boat let alone the "crew"
 
Story of my life unfortunately!
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Jan 2016 at 1:06pm
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Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

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