Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Aug 2009 at 8:50am
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  1. TRUE STORY: Outside Bristol Zoo there is a car park where cars and coaches can park. 
    There was also a nice bloke with a hat and ticket machine charging cars and coaches .
This parking attendant worked there for about 25 years , then one day didn't turn up for work... 
Ho hum say Bristol Zoo management- 
Better phone up Bristol City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant...... 
Err no say the Council...That car park is your responsibility.... 
Err no say Bristol Zoo the attendant was employed by you wasn't he.... 
Err NO!!!! 
Sitting in his villa in Spain is a bloke who had been taking the car park takings for Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years... 
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote wnw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Aug 2009 at 1:35pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ropo101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Aug 2009 at 1:51pm
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V8 Super Cars are back,Go the holdens!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Snake Eyes Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Aug 2009 at 3:48pm
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This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old
is.  They think so logically.

        A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
        She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather
the building materials for his home.
        She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full
of straw and
        said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my
house?'

        The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man
said?'

        One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly .....'I
think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be f%$*&d!! A talking pig!'

        The teacher had to leave the room
A fast games a good game
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pisky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Aug 2009 at 6:46pm
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 Here is a little calculation to help you find your all time favourite movie , mine was Saving Private Ryan, give it a go it really works...

Pick a number from 1 - 9

Multiply it by 3

Add 3

then multiply by 3 again

Add the two digits together and then your film is the one which number you have
 - then scroll down...never wrong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




1 . Gone with the Wind

2. Back to the Future

3. Jaws

4. Star Wars

5. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

6. Terminator

7. The Sound of Music

8. Predator

9. Gay Rent Boys in Leather taking it up the Arse vol .2

10. Saving Private Ryan

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

--

 


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ocka Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Aug 2009 at 2:54am
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Police are warning all men who frequent clubs,parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when

offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called 'Beer.'

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large 'kegs'. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then

simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would normally not be attracted.

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship.'

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage.' Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

 
 

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs,parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when

offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called 'Beer.'

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large 'kegs'. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then

simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would normally not be attracted.

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship.'

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage.' Men are much more susceptible



If you fall victim to this 'Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men..

For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.

For a video to see how beer works click here:

Beer Demo

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

 
 
I'm the reason they call it FISHING--- Not CATCHING.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ocka Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Aug 2009 at 11:57am
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A bloke went to his local doctor declaring that he had a problem. It seems that his mistress was turning up on Friday night for a bit of fun before going on a short holiday, his current wife was turning up Saturday night for some fun before returning to her isck parents early Sunday and his ex wife was looking to stay Sunday night 'for old times sake' before heading off to a new career overseas. He asked the doctor for 3 Viagra tablets to see him through.
The doctor was reluctant as he said that 3 tablets in 3 days may cause some bad side effects. After a lot of discussion he gave in and gave the bloke his tablets on the condition that he turned up on the Monday morning for a full check up.
Monday morning the bloke turned up with his arm in a sling. The doctor asked him what had happened? He replied,
None of them turned up!!!  
I'm the reason they call it FISHING--- Not CATCHING.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Aug 2009 at 4:59pm
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BRITISH NEWSPAPERS HAVE MORE INTERESTING ARTICLES

 

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote worksux Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2009 at 2:49pm
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The teacher was telling the kids about the birds  
and the bees and she explained that when a man and
a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.

Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the teacher, are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag at the beach.!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ropo101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2009 at 5:26pm
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Originally posted by pisky pisky wrote:

 Here is a little calculation to help you find your all time favourite movie , mine was Saving Private Ryan, give it a go it really works...

Pick a number from 1 - 9

Multiply it by 3

Add 3

then multiply by 3 again

Add the two digits together and then your film is the one which number you have
 - then scroll down...never wrong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




1 . Gone with the Wind

2. Back to the Future

3. Jaws

4. Star Wars

5. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

6. Terminator

7. The Sound of Music

8. Predator

9. Gay Rent Boys in Leather taking it up the Arse vol .2

10. Saving Private Ryan

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

-- hmmm # 9...not good!!ConfusedConfusedConfusedConfusedConfusedConfused

 


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote mouthu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2009 at 5:33pm
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Originally posted by pisky pisky wrote:

 Here is a little calculation to help you find your all time favourite movie , mine was Saving Private Ryan, give it a go it really works...

Pick a number from 1 - 9

Multiply it by 3

Add 3

then multiply by 3 again

Add the two digits together and then your film is the one which number you have
 - then scroll down...never wrong

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




1 . Gone with the Wind

2. Back to the Future

3. Jaws

4. Star Wars

5. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

6. Terminator

7. The Sound of Music

8. Predator

9. Gay Rent Boys in Leather taking it up the Arse vol .2

10. Saving Private Ryan

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

 
So Pisky, which number do you think you picked to get your result?
Yes it was me, I screwed it up for everyone.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Naki man Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2009 at 5:34pm
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It'll always be number nineWink
The solution to any problem - work, money, love, whatever - is to go fishing - the worse the problem the longer the fishing trip should be.

"I have a lot of very large problems"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2009 at 5:59pm
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URGENT WARNING!!!

 

I just received this and thought I'd better forward it straight away. I'm not usually one

for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday.

 

I walked into Bunning's hardware at lunchtime, wandered down the timber aisle and

some old fart dressed in a red shirt with a green apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

 

Fortunately, I got in the first half dozen punches, and sorted the ******* out.

 

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky. Spread this warning on to all your friends.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote mouthu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2009 at 6:04pm
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Originally posted by Naki man Naki man wrote:

It'll always be number nineWink
 
I know, that why i'm wondering what Pisky was smoking to think he got a different answer to everyone else...LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL
Yes it was me, I screwed it up for everyone.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote wnw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2009 at 2:19pm
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While in the checkout line at my local hardware store I overheard one
man say to another, "My wife has been after me to paint our shed. But I
let it go for so long she got mad and did it herself."

His friend nodded. "I like women who get mad like that."
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote kingyqueen Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2009 at 6:44pm
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Did you hear about the guy who tried to jump the fence at a warriors game?

 

they pulled him back over and made him watch the second half

www.bradleysmoker.co.nz





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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pisky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2009 at 6:44am
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I was never very good at maths.Confused.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ocka Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2009 at 8:36am
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--- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably  
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer  
to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required  
pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the

front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by

90%..

It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and
still think they are sexy.

I'm the reason they call it FISHING--- Not CATCHING.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2009 at 8:47am
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A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter
 scale has hit Pakistan.
 
Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.
 
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't
 know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
 
The rest of the world is in shock.
 
The USA is sending troops to help.
 
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
 
Latin American countries are sending supplies.
 
New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
 
The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in
 rebuilding infrastructure.
 
Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.
 
Britain , not to be outdone, is sending two million
 replacement Pakistanis.
 
God Bless British generosity.

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ocka Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2009 at 8:58am
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Involuntary Muscular  Contractions



A professor at the  University  of Sydney was  giving a lecture on
'Involuntary   Muscular Contractions' to  his first year medical students. Realizing  this  was  not the most riveting  subject, the professor decided to lighten the  mood   slightly.  
    

He pointed to  a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

  
She replied, 'Probably  fishing with his mates.'

It took 45  minutes to restore order in the  classroom.........  

 

I'm the reason they call it FISHING--- Not CATCHING.
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