Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Marligator Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2020 at 11:21am
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CORONA virus alert updates:

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”.

The British have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Irish have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard”. They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be right, Mate”. Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey ! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend !” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Marligator Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2020 at 11:30am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Marligator Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2020 at 11:30am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote MATTOO Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2020 at 12:19pm
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That last vid is the jumbo version of the cigarette paper
Just cruising in my now sweetas pimped out Southern 755 HT0!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Kevin.S Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2020 at 12:20pm
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Prince Charles is isolating at Windsor with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is isolating at Balmoral with Lucy-15
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (3) Likes(3)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Mar 2020 at 9:13am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote kingfishers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Mar 2020 at 12:26am
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Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesús."
"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Mar 2020 at 10:36am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Mar 2020 at 12:25pm
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Can someone remind Bazza about the correct mask selection!LOLLOL


"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Mar 2020 at 12:41pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (3) Likes(3)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Apr 2020 at 11:04am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Apr 2020 at 11:05am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Apr 2020 at 11:06am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Skoti Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Apr 2020 at 6:04am
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A rabbit , a Bishop and a Priest walk into a bar .
The rabbit turns to the Bishop and Priest and says ...
I think this joke has a spelling mistake .
COVID is no joke !
One former patient was so brain damaged after , he thought he won an election he lost by 7 million votes .
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Apr 2020 at 8:04am
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Day 7

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave, and toaster while drinking beer and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum cleaner was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/tbf/1/16/1f62c.png";);">😬 The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/ta1/1/16/1f61d.png";);">😝.....pull myself together
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Apr 2020 at 10:09am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote MATTOO Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Apr 2020 at 11:48am
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Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:



Itsy bitsy spider....
Just cruising in my now sweetas pimped out Southern 755 HT0!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Apr 2020 at 2:41pm
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Pam Ayers .They should of asked ????

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Apr 2020 at 9:10pm
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I'm sure she's been talking to my wife LOL
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