The British are feeling the
pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat
level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to
“Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”.
The British have not been “A
Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
The virus has been
re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the
British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened
by the Spanish Armada.
The Irish have raised their
threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard”. They don't have any
other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the
British army for the last 300 years.
The French government
announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide”.
The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The
rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert
level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two
more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.
The Germans have increased
their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs”. They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and
“Lose”.
Belgians, on the other hand,
are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO
pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited
to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs
have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the
old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has
raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be right, Mate”. Two more
escalation levels remain: “Crikey ! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie
this weekend !” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far, no situation has ever
warranted use of the final escalation level.
Catchelot wrote: |
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