 Pcj wrote:Too soon??  |
| bazza wrote: This is a test post ... please ignore |
smudge wrote:
OK but there are three funny posts before yours. you should try a funny post sometime Bazza |
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years
later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I
have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own
car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I
don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People
get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days
when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in
a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it
the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this
morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a
punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to
write that down, I'll remember it".
I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom
highlights"! I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on
my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We
haven't met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just
going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a
room and remembering what I came In there for.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I
can't remember their names.
Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you
send it to me?
| Ross wrote: Hubby wants a new boat so his wife says,"Just leave it to me love". Next day she goes into the bank and asks to see the manager. When he duly arrives she says she wants to deposit a small bag of money. He takes her through to his office and finds shes got a bag full of $10 notes. Asking her how she got them she reports having a good night at the casino. He gives her a lecture on the evils of gambling and banks the money. Before she leaves she throws him a challange saying, "I'll bet you $20,000 that your balls are square". "Madam that is a ridiculous wager, I'd be stealing your money" "I'll offer it again, I bet you $20,000 your balls are square". "OK", says the manager. The wife says she'll be in the next morning with her lawyer and husband for proof and leaves. That night the lawyer checks his balls and sure enough they're round. Next day in comes the wife, husband and lawyer, "Ready ?", says the wife. The manager climbs onto a chair drops his trousers and the wife holds his balls in her hands. Proud manager says, "There you go, I win. But whats the lawyer doing banging his head on my desk?". "Oh", says wife, "Yesterday I bet him $200,000 that I could have my bank managers balls in my hand by lunchtime tomorrow, Thanks a lot!! With that she and hubby leave to select their new boat............ Ross |
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