Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation
took place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said
a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had
to do to be able to come fishing this
weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off
my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she
said, "Wear a jumper."
And another :-
A mate of mine sent his old man to live in a retirement home, he gave them the advise that sometimes because the old man doesn't get out fishing much any more he can get a bit friskey with the ladies.
He went to see the old geezer a week later to find him in very good health and spirit, so before my mate left to head for home he decided to ask the staff what the old boy had been up to.
The village manager told him that they have been giving him warm Milo and viagra just before he went to bed ?????!!!!! ..........what the hell for !!
Well sir, the Milo sends him to sleep and the viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.
Hardy harr harr 
Cheers
AC
" I caught a 15lb snapper last night"
"Really?-sure... got any witnesses?"
"yip... If I hadnt it would have weighed 25lbs"
ahhh... actually thats not so funny...
A husband comes home with a 12 pack of new "OLYMPIC GOLD" style condoms,
And announces,
" Honey, we're gonna go for gold tonight ! "
She replied,
" Why don't you use a silver one and come second for a change ? "
I don't get it ?? 
Cheers
AC
Q - Whats the difference between Sheep and the Wife ?
A - Sheep dont complain when ya root its sister
........
An old couple were sitting eating peanuts, the old boy was showing off by throwing his peanuts up in the air and catching them in his mouth, he tossed one up and by mistake it landed in his ear. They both tried by couldn't removed the peanut, so the old girl said, go upstairs and talk to the daughters boy friend, he's a trainee doctor and will know what to do. So he made his way up the stairs and knocked on the door to his daughter's room, she opened the door and the old boy explained his problem, no problem she said and told her boy friend. He came to the door to help the old boy.
After the peanut had been removed the old boy made his way back downstairs to his wife, she asked how he got on? Great he said. I explained to him about the peanut, he put both his fingers up my nose and asked me to blow and the peanut came flying out.
The old girl was impressed, that young guy has got a great future ahead of him. Yes the old boy replied, by the smell of his fingers I hope he"ll by our son inlaw.
those last two jokes are the dodgiest jokes I have ever heard(read).
Speaking from experience Squid??? no wonder the aussies take the piss..
We need marks out of 10, say anything over 7 allows the poster to " tell another " anything under and it has to be left to the comediens of this world.
Cheers
AC
Posted from another site.
How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been
changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light
bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb"
is perfectly correct
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation
of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this
discussion to a lightbulb forum
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and
lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs
and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy
the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique
and what brands are faulty
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about
light bulbs"
1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
start it all over again
Hubby wants a new boat so his wife says,"Just leave it to me love".
Next day she goes into the bank and asks to see the manager. When he duly arrives she says she wants to deposit a small bag of money. He takes her through to his office and finds shes got a bag full of $10 notes. Asking her how she got them she reports having a good night at the casino.
He gives her a lecture on the evils of gambling and banks the money. Before she leaves she throws him a challange saying, "I'll bet you $20,000 that your balls are square".
"Madam that is a ridiculous wager, I'd be stealing your money"
"I'll offer it again, I bet you $20,000 your balls are square".
"OK", says the manager.
The wife says she'll be in the next morning with her lawyer and husband for proof and leaves.
That night the lawyer checks his balls and sure enough they're round.
Next day in comes the wife, husband and lawyer, "Ready ?", says the wife.
The manager climbs onto a chair drops his trousers and the wife holds his balls in her hands. Proud manager says, "There you go, I win. But whats the lawyer doing banging his head on my desk?".
"Oh", says wife, "Yesterday I bet him $200,000 that I could have my bank managers balls in my hand by lunchtime tomorrow, Thanks a lot!!
With that she and hubby leave to select their new boat............
Ross
What's the difference between kinky and perverted?
- kinky is when you tickle your partners bum with a feather &
- perverted is when you use the whole chicken....... shocker.
Aussie farmer rings kiwi farmer, hey kiwi what are you doing this weekend. Not much replies the kiwi farmer, come over and we'll have a few beers replies the Aussie farmer.
So kiwi farmer hops on a plane and is soon at Aussie farmers place.
Both Aussie and kiwi were out walking one of the back fences when they came across a sheep with it's head caught in the wire fence and it's ass sticking right up in the air, Aussie and kiwi both looked at the sheep, kiwi couldn't help himself so he downed trowel and before the Aussie could say "cheers mate" the kiwi was stuck up the sheep ass.
Kiwi had just blown he bolt and was putting himself away when he said. "OK Aussie it's your turn".
Kiwi turned around to see Aussie with his head caught down in the wire fence, pants around his ankle's and his ass sticking up in the air.
Whats the difference between Pink and Purple ?
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