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Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Sep 2019 at 6:42am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Sep 2019 at 7:56pm
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Embarrassed me never
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Sep 2019 at 8:04pm
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Originally posted by krow krow wrote:

Embarrassed me never

You lie like a flounder! ClapLOL
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sufishent Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2019 at 6:47am
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Originally posted by krow krow wrote:

Embarrassed me never

Nor me Confused
You can never have enough fishing tackle
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Derek F Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Sep 2019 at 10:10am
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Me either twice.

And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more...Erica Jong
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 2019 at 6:51am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 2019 at 6:35am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Sep 2019 at 5:04pm
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water water everywhere,how many fish does it hold?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2019 at 8:55am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2019 at 8:55am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2019 at 8:56am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Sep 2019 at 12:30pm
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Mother had 3 virgin daughters who were all getting married in quick succession. As the mother was concerned about their first experiences, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words about what transpired.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding The card said nothing but: 'Nescafe'

The mother was puzzled at first… she went to her kitchen and found the Nescafe jar.

...

It said: 'Good till the last drop'.

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: 'Rothmans'

The mother found her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: 'Extra Long. King Size’

she was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words 'Air New Zealand'

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.

The ad said: 'Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'

Mum fainted...

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2019 at 2:46pm
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An  award should go to the Air New Zealand desk attendant in Auckland some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who  probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A  crowded Air NZ flight was cancelled after an Air NZ 777 had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of  inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I  HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST  CLASS".  

The attendant  replied,
    "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something  out.." The  passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so  that the passengers behind him could  hear,   "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"   Without  hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her  public address microphone:   "May I have your attention please, may I have your  attention please," she began  - her voice heard clearly throughout the  terminal.

"We  have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT  KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."  With  the folks behind him in line laughing  hysterically, the man glared at the Air NZ attendant, gritted his teeth and  said,   "F...  You!"  
Without  flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this  bit) 
"I'm  sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for  that too." 
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Kevin.S Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2019 at 4:05pm
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The one phrase, more than any other, that instantly convinces me that someone is an a-hole is "do you know who I am"

It always reminds me of a story my dad used to tell me, from when he was in the forces in the war.  A young navy rating was on phone duty and answered a call from a very pushy lady who was very demanding.  When he didn't do as she wanted straight away she got quite angry, eventually uttering those immortal words -"do you know who I am?"  to which he said no, and she said she was the admirals wife and he was in a lot of trouble or speaking to her in the way he had.  He said to her "do you know who I am?"and when she said no he replied "good" and put the phone down.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2019 at 4:24pm
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water water everywhere,how many fish does it hold?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2019 at 6:37pm
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Originally posted by Kevin.S Kevin.S wrote:

The one phrase, more than any other, that instantly convinces me that someone is an a-hole is "do you know who I am"

It always reminds me of a story my dad used to tell me, from when he was in the forces in the war.  A young navy rating was on phone duty and answered a call from a very pushy lady who was very demanding.  When he didn't do as she wanted straight away she got quite angry, eventually uttering those immortal words -"do you know who I am?"  to which he said no, and she said she was the admirals wife and he was in a lot of trouble or speaking to her in the way he had.  He said to her "do you know who I am?"and when she said no he replied "good" and put the phone down.

That's brilliant, I remember when visiting a Portsmouth Naval base, their parade ground which was huge. An officer was walking on the other side, us kiwis were way over on the right maybe 300m away. Due to the distance we did not salute him. But oh no, he yells out, Oi you two why didn't you salute me, report to me instantly!

I replied, Sir do you know who we are?

No! he snaps, come to attention and report to me at the double!

So we looked at each other and with a grin, we snapped to attention and then legged it! 

We then hid in the junior rates mess all afternoonLOLClap


"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2019 at 6:44pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2019 at 7:04pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2019 at 7:46pm
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A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
“Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter.
“The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Well, I guess that isn’t too bad,” the hunter replied. “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”
“Not exactly,” answered the doctor. “She’s a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.”
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2019 at 1:17pm
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