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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2019 at 7:45pm
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LOLLOLLOLLOL
Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Alan L Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2019 at 8:29pm
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Told this couple of nights ago - nothing to do with fishing.
How do you get a fat woman in to bed?....................
Piece of cake.
Wrong on so many levels.
Alan
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2019 at 8:46am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2019 at 4:07pm
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Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:

Bazza tried this three times and then reported that the machine was out of order.LOL
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 
But only after I saw you Al burn up a grand trying in vain to get an answer more to your liking

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2019 at 7:01pm
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Originally posted by bazza bazza wrote:

Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:

Bazza tried this three times and then reported that the machine was out of order.LOL
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 
But only after I saw you Al burn up a grand trying in vain to get an answer more to your liking

 


I'll call that for a draw Big smile


Best gurnard fisherman in my street
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2019 at 8:48pm
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2019 at 12:29pm
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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,

Observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off

He asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied,

Still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,

And then took her to Alton Towers theme park.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park;

The Death Slide, the Corkscrew,

The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there Was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a Mc Donald's

Where he ordered her a Happy Meal

With extra fries and a chocolate shake..

Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn,

A huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's..

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband

And collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile

And lovingly asked,

'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'

Her eyes slowly opened

And her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it frickin' Wrong.
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Aug 2019 at 9:06am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Marko 44 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Aug 2019 at 1:19am
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A guy walks into a bar with an Ostrich


A man walks Into a bar with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a beer,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $18.95 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and a shot of Tequila,” says the man. “Same,” says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $20.” Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

Awesome says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?” The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
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