Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2016 at 10:01pm
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Gives an entirely new meaning to making a trunk call !!
 
 
http://www.liveleak.com/ll_embed?f=d51b0650e695
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2016 at 10:29pm
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LOLLOL
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Feb 2016 at 10:37am
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant.

She is furious... Here she is -- in the middle of her election campaign --now this has happened to her!

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You *******! How could you have let this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could
 you? I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!..... .Well, what have you got to say?"

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

She screams again, "Did you hear me?"

Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: "Who's calling?"

When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Feb 2016 at 3:17pm
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Barak Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future.  They both decide to test it by asking a question each.


Barak goes first.

“What will the USA be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out

"The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries”

David thinks “It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that” so he asks:

“What willEngland be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.

But he just stares at it.

Come on David” says Barak, “What does it say”

David replies,

“Buggered if I know! It's not in English!”

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Feb 2016 at 4:09pm
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Feb 2016 at 12:03pm
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Two guys walk into a bar & the one buying says to his much smaller mate " Will it be the usual for you donkey ?" & his mate nods, whilst the barman looks disapprovingly but says nothing.
 
Having finished their drinks the buyer asks his mate "Same again donkey ?" & once again his mate nods but the barman this time breaks his silence by saying " Hey ... you are a bit hard on your mate calling him donkey all the time.
 
Instead of nodding this time, the smaller guys says to the barman " Hee haw ... hee haw ... hee haw ways calls me that !"
 
 
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Feb 2016 at 12:55pm
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Dear Abby,


My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies .

I know he`s cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters.

I know because he brags about this to me.

He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive Champagne day and night.

We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and big bottom turn him off!

Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him, Abby?   Your advice would be appreciated .....

[signed]  Mad as Hell

Dear Mad as Hell

You don't have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p. Don't resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, and try to act like a lady!  Remember ......you're running for President of the United States, so try acting like it!

 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Feb 2016 at 10:50am
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LOL


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Geewizz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Feb 2016 at 11:28am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote dalgo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Mar 2016 at 4:00pm
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The Mortician:

Charlie had a massive heart attack and died. His body was delivered to the mortuary. He had been wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit at the time of his demise, so he really looked wonderful, considering the circumstances.

His wife went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for his interment. She spoke to the mortician about what her husband would be wearing. The mortician pointed out that the man looked really nice in the black suit he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier and less expensive to leave him dressed as he was.

The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his very best in blue, and that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his trip to eternity. To silence the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a blank check and said, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in the very best blue suit money can buy for the ceremony."

The woman came back the next day for the wake. To her delight, she found her Charlie dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fit him perfectly. She said to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job, and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presented her with the blank check, indicating there was no charge for these extra services. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she cried.

The mortician responded, "Honestly, ma'am, the change to the blue suit cost nothing. Funny thing, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing an attractive black suit. She indicated that it made no difference, as long as he looked nice...

So I switched the heads."
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Mar 2016 at 7:29pm
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Vote TrumpLOL


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote kingfishers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2016 at 11:14pm
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"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote kingfishers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2016 at 11:15pm
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"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote kingfishers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2016 at 11:18pm
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"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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After catching a speeder…
Policeman: “I’m sorry sir but do you know how fast you were going?!”
Speeder: “I was going the same speed as everyone else!”
Policeman: “Ever go fishing?”
Man: “Yeah…”
Policeman: “Ever catch ALL the fish?”
"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote kingfishers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Mar 2016 at 10:48pm
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https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/7a/35/2b/7a352b34da3a3b19791f20540e8f8dd6.jpg
"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote kingfishers Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Mar 2016 at 10:49pm
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http://www.bigfishtackle.com/comics/uploads/2-12.jpg
"My mind has gone fishing, ask all questions tomorrow"
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