Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Aug 2022 at 8:10pm
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Titanium
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I had to read that and then look so Yep I failed 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Transformations Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2022 at 8:18am
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Hah, it's the first thing I looked at......oh, you mean the one on her shoulder ☺️
We don't know what we don't need till we've got it
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An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said, ‘You Australian folk eat the whole bread?’
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, ‘of course.’
The American blew a huge bubble. ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .’
The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, ‘D’ya eat jam with your bread?’
Sighing, the Australian replied, ‘of course.’
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, ‘we don’t. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia ..
The Australian then asked, ‘Do you have sex in the States?’
The American smiled and said ‘Why of course we do.’
The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’
‘We throw them away, of course!’
Now it was the Australians turn to smile.
‘We don’t. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?’
Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote spin king Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Aug 2022 at 7:33pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Aug 2022 at 8:39pm
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Originally posted by spin king spin king wrote:


Ohhh dear, that's even worse than my jokes Big smile
Best gurnard fisherman in my street
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Marligator Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Aug 2022 at 9:29pm
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Nicknames for workmates -

"Wicket keeper" - puts on gloves and stands back

"Harvey Norman" - 3 years no interest

"Grenade" - waiting for him to pull the pin

"Sensor light" - only works if someone walks past

"Blister" - appears when the hard work is done

"Showbag" - full of ****

"Seaweed" - floats around all day and stinks

"Lantern" - not very bright, and has to be carried

"Penguin" - always on the ice

"Deck chair" - always folds under pressure

"G-spot" - you can never find him

"2-stroke" - hard to get started, and always smokes

"Morphine" - slow moving dope

"Bushranger" - holds everyone up

"Pothole" – Always in the road, needs to be filled in

"Jungle" – Thick and Dense

"Wheelbarrow" – Only works when he's pushed

"4n20" – 4 days' work and 20 years' experience

"Goldfish"  - Can't remember a f#@king thing

"Fractions" – Does 2/5ths of f#@k all

"Cyclone" – Slow moving depression

"Treacle" – Slow moving and thick

"Scarecrow" – Just stands around all day and watches

"Minerals"  - Silver in his hair, gold in his teeth and lead in his arse

"Limo" – Carries about 8 blokes

"Chainsaw" – Hard to start and stops for no reason

"Noodles" – Thinks all jobs take two minutes

"Cordless" – Charges all night but only works for two hours

"Drill bit" – A small boring tool

"Broken arrow" – (Bosses son) Doesn't work and can't be fired

"Perth" – Two hours behind everyone else

"007" – 0 motivation, 0 skills and 7 **** breaks

"Foreskin" - disappears when it gets hard
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LOL

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Transformations Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Aug 2022 at 10:19pm
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😂😂😂.....had a few of those over the years. My most recent one was a combination of a good few of those. I called him a chocolate ashtray....good for absolutely faaark all.
We don't know what we don't need till we've got it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Aug 2022 at 4:35pm
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"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads...
Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Sep 2022 at 5:29pm
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Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder.'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly broad he's running around with!
Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Sep 2022 at 7:05pm
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Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote rowannicks@gmail.com Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Sep 2022 at 4:41pm
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Now the Queen has passed on.
Instead of getting a birthday card for reaching 100 from her.
Now you will receive an invite from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
I miss killing things in NZ
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Marligator Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Oct 2022 at 6:33am
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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you"...
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver"....
Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Amateur's built the ark. Professional built the Titanic
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote lingee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Oct 2022 at 4:47pm
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jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water jill the dill forgot the pill and came back a daugter
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