Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (3) Likes(3)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Oct 2021 at 11:20am
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If you always do, what you've always done. You will always get, what you have always got
Henry Ford
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2021 at 2:28pm
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Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water.

Unable to swim, the man screamed for help.

A trout fisherman ran up.

The man said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I ll give you a hundred dollars.”

The fisherman dove into the water…

In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.

Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, “Okay, where’s my hundred dollars?”

The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?”

If you always do, what you've always done. You will always get, what you have always got
Henry Ford
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2021 at 2:35pm
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Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water. Bob can’t believe it, he yells over ” whats your secret?” “woogatkakeptewrwm” he answers back. “what did you say?” replies Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob, ” you have to keep your worms warm”.
If you always do, what you've always done. You will always get, what you have always got
Henry Ford
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2021 at 2:40pm
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Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms. Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask ” how did you catch those ?” Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing! So the fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try. They get to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend “hold my legs now Paddy”. Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries.. “pull me up, pull me up!!” Paddy asks ” do you have a fish Sean?”………… No replies Sean, “there’s a bloody train coming!!!!!!!!”
If you always do, what you've always done. You will always get, what you have always got
Henry Ford
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2021 at 8:47am
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Vicar of Dibley Joke

Three nuns died in a motor accident and arrived up at the Gates of Heaven. There they were met by St Peter.
"I'm sorry ladies, before you can enter into heaven, you must first answer a question."
"Oh, all right." said the nuns.
"OK" said St Peter and turning to one of the nuns asked "Adam was the first man, but what was the name of his partner?"
"Oh that's easy." said the nun "It was Eve."
"Correct." said St Peter "You may enter."
Turning to the second nun he asked. " And where did Adam and Eve live?"
"Oh that's easy. In the Garden of Eden." 
"Correct." said St Peter "You may enter."
The last nun left was the Mother Superior. 
"As you are the Mother Superior your question may be more difficult." said St Peter "What did Eve say when she first saw Adam."
"Ooh. That is a hard one." said the Mother Superior.
"Correct" said St Peter "You may enter."       




If you always do, what you've always done. You will always get, what you have always got
Henry Ford
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Kevin.S Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2021 at 3:17pm
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Originally posted by Mr Moritz Mr Moritz wrote:

Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water. Bob can’t believe it, he yells over ” whats your secret?” “woogatkakeptewrwm” he answers back. “what did you say?” replies Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob, ” you have to keep your worms warm”.

In the UK coarse fishermen used to use maggots as bait, the really keen match fishermen kept them in their mouth in winter as they wriggled more when warm.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2021 at 3:38pm
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Originally posted by Kevin.S Kevin.S wrote:

Originally posted by Mr Moritz Mr Moritz wrote:

Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water. Bob can’t believe it, he yells over ” whats your secret?” “woogatkakeptewrwm” he answers back. “what did you say?” replies Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob, ” you have to keep your worms warm”.

In the UK coarse fishermen used to use maggots as bait, the really keen match fishermen kept them in their mouth in winter as they wriggled more when warm.

"And that Sir would be a definite NO from me"
If you always do, what you've always done. You will always get, what you have always got
Henry Ford
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2021 at 7:04pm
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I was in England in 1993. I was on a work training course. I had nothing to do after work except drink beer and talk to the fishermen fishing public water in Peteborough around the Butterfly Inn. I can tell you that keeping maggots in your mouth to keep them warm is a real thing. They couldn't believe my stories about fishing in NZ. My besat friend over there was the barman who loved carp fishing and was wowed out by the pics I showed him. I learned to drink beer there. I also found the poms such a friendly socialable bunch. The wimmens were nice too.  Beer
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2021 at 11:04am
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Originally posted by smudge smudge wrote:

I was in England in 1993. I was on a work training course. I had nothing to do after work except drink beer and talk to the fishermen fishing public water in Peteborough around the Butterfly Inn. I can tell you that keeping maggots in your mouth to keep them warm is a real thing. They couldn't believe my stories about fishing in NZ. My besat friend over there was the barman who loved carp fishing and was wowed out by the pics I showed him. I learned to drink beer there. I also found the poms such a friendly socialable bunch. The wimmens were nice too.  Beer


You wouldn't want to have a bit of a cough probably swallow some. Yuk   Thumbs Up
If you always do, what you've always done. You will always get, what you have always got
Henry Ford
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2021 at 1:53pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Transformations Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2021 at 4:40pm
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Shocked....ClapClapClap. Pretty much the whole of it, just a few that have their heads in the trough that haven't realised it yet.
We don't know what we don't need till we've got it
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"The wimmens were nice too.  Beer"

.....and how did you keep THEM warm smudgeWink
We don't know what we don't need till we've got it
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2021 at 5:03pm
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Originally posted by Transformations Transformations wrote:

"The wimmens were nice too.  Beer"

.....and how did you keep THEM warm smudgeWink

What happens on tour, stays on tour Trannsguy Embarrassed
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2021 at 5:04pm
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But yeah, no one froze to death Big smile
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fishful Thinking Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2021 at 6:21pm
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Colder climate, central mheating.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Nov 2021 at 10:21am
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An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor”
“Of course child. What may I do for you”
“Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me.. Hide it under your robes perhaps”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,” she replied.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare”
“From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor”
Father replied, “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Nov 2021 at 4:59pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Nov 2021 at 11:59am
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From Mrs Bazza as to why MR Bazza nevers goes shopping with her.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Bazza:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Pcj Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2021 at 4:51pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Nov 2021 at 7:22pm
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Originally posted by Pcj Pcj wrote:


Me & Steps Big smile
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