A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, esp ecially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?"
The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.."
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.
The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?'
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.
 Seasider wrote:Snuffy the seal gets snuffed |
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a
check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant.
She is furious... Here she is -- in the
middle of her election campaign --now this has happened to her!
She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and
immediately starts screaming: "You *******! How could you have let
this happen?
With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!
How could you? I can't believe this! I've just found
out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!..... .Well, what have you
got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the
phone.
She screams again, "Did you hear me?"
Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper: "Who's calling?"
Barak goes first.
“What will the USA be
like in 100 years time?”
The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action
and gives him a printout, he reads it out
"The country is in good hands under the new
president, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy.
There are no worries”
David thinks “It's not bad this time machine,
I'll have a bit of that” so he asks:
“What willEngland be
like in 100 years time?”
The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action,
and he gets a printout.
But he just stares at it.
Come on David” says Barak, “What does it say”
David replies,
“Buggered if I know! It's not in English!”
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