Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Aug 2009 at 2:20pm
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Subject:  Guts or Balls - difference between them

 

 

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, and to alleviate further confusion, the following definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both

ultimately result in death.

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Boulder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Aug 2009 at 2:23pm
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If I could be bothered checking I reckon that joke must have been posted in this thread more than 7 times alreadyDead
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Aug 2009 at 2:56pm
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This is so sad and true that it is funny.


 >
>
>
> This was nominated for best joke of the year - worth sharing.
>
>
> A Somalian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia
> He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank
> you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food
> stamps, free medical care, and free education!"
>
> The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a New Zealander."
>
> The man goes on and encounters another passerby. " Thank you for having
> such beautiful country here in Australia !"
>
> The person says, "I not Australian, I Vietnamese."
>
> The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes
> his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful Australia!"
>
> That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East , I am not
> Australian!"
>
> He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an Australian?"
>
> She says, "No, I am from Africa !"
>
> Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Australians?"
>
> The African lady checks her watch and says....."Probably at work."

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote cpt pugwash Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Aug 2009 at 4:16pm
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These were posted on an NZ tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who have a sense of humour!

Q: Which direction is North in NZ (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Auckland and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Does it ever get windy in NZ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import in all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Remember, not all crazy folks are locked up! Some own boats!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2009 at 4:06pm
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You've got to see this..
1st look and see the Whale under the water.
Keep your cursor OUT of the picture until you see the Whale.
Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back, you might get wet (it's like it's 3D). Click on the picture when it loads and be sure that your sound is on
 
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
FISH FIGHT The Peoples Protest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2009 at 4:07pm
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People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
FISH FIGHT The Peoples Protest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2009 at 4:54pm
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*WHY THE DOG LEFT!!!*
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
FISH FIGHT The Peoples Protest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2009 at 5:03pm
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Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

 
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She
hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
FISH FIGHT The Peoples Protest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Boulder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2009 at 5:24pm
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I am sure that was posted about a week ago by ACConfused

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2009 at 5:59pm
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Probably right boulder, happens when I get a mass of these in on one day...
 
but:
You got to see these video clips of "smart" yanks fishing - great fun...
 
 
Enjoy
 
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
FISH FIGHT The Peoples Protest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Tzer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Aug 2009 at 6:30pm
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Should children witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high
over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver
the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi
pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was
born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked
him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic
then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the
wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had
just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded,

'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first
place......smack him again!'

If you don't laugh at this one, there's no hope for
you.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Aug 2009 at 4:48pm
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Moral of this story is.......BRILLIANT!!

This is a story about 
A Fly, a Fish, a Bear
A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.
   

There is a moral to this story......

 In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.
 
The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular, 

          'Gosh...if I go down three inches
I will feel the mist
From the water and I will be refreshed.'

  There was a fish in the water thinking,
 
 
  'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'
 
  There was a bear on the shore thinking,
    'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches
That fish will jump for the fly...
And I will grab the fish!!'
 
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank
Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich....
  
'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...
And that fish leaps for it...
That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.
I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.'
  Now, you probably think this is
Enough activity on one river bank,
But I can tell you there's more....

  
 
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,
 
'Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...
And that fish jumps for that fly..
And that bear grabs for that fish..
The dumb hunter will shoot the bear
And drop his cheese sandwich.'
 
  A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,
(as was fashionable to do on the banks of
this particular river around lunch time)
 
'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches..
And that fish jumps for that fly
And that bear grabs for that fish
And that hunter shoots that bear..
And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich .
Then I can have mouse for lunch.'
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he
heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly...
 
The bear grabs the fish.. 
 
The hunter shoots the bear..
 
The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...
 
The cat jumps for the mouse..
The mouse ducks...

 
The cat falls into the water and drowns.
NOW, The Moral Of The Story....
Whenever a fly goes down three inches,
 
Some pussy's gonna be in serious danger.  
 

 
didn't see that one coming, did you? 
 
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
FISH FIGHT The Peoples Protest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Aug 2009 at 4:57pm
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Whats the difference between an Australian and a Catfish?
 
One is a low lying bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.LOL
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote empty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Aug 2009 at 5:31pm
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what happened to the pissing man?
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote mouthu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Aug 2009 at 7:25pm
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Just had some charity call asking if I'd like to donate clothes for Africa, told them to rack off! Any African that fits my clothes doesn't need them!
Yes it was me, I screwed it up for everyone.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Moggy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Aug 2009 at 7:29pm
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LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL
bad marketing info huh!
 
 
People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it!
FISH FIGHT The Peoples Protest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SNOWKIWI Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Aug 2009 at 6:20am
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It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing, by people who can't fish.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ocka Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Aug 2009 at 6:32am
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Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:

Whats the difference between an Australian and a Catfish?
 
One is a low lying bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.LOL
You told this one about a month back, how about giving us on here a good laugh and try telling your jokes under water?
I'm the reason they call it FISHING--- Not CATCHING.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CornishTommy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Aug 2009 at 7:27am
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Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman:    Hi!  Wanda.

2nd woman:   Hi!  Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman:    I froze to death.

2nd woman:   How horrible!

1st  woman:    It wasn't so bad.  After I quit shaking from  the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a  peaceful death.  What about you?

2nd  woman:   I died of a massive heart attack.  I  suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to  catch him in the act.  But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman:     So, what happened?

2nd woman:   I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started  running all over the house looking.  I ran up into the  attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I  went through every closet and checked under all the beds.   I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I  became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack  and died.

1st woman:     Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Aug 2009 at 1:16pm
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TWO OLD MEN   
 

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS 
AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. 
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL 
 
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS 
AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER,   'GO UP TO THE FIRST 
TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. 
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING 
TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW 
THE DIFFERENCE.'   
 
 
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD 
MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. 
   
 
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU 
KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'   
 
 
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?' 
   
 
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE 
TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'  
 
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS 
A WITCH.' 
'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'   
 
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON 
THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE 
FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TOOK MY 
TEETH WITH HER!'
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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