Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Dec 2018 at 11:05am
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THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A MAORI GIRL

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai.

He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a Maori girl from New Zealand.

He told her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher...
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Dec 2018 at 5:43pm
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it’s 3 am in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk.
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Dec 2018 at 6:21pm
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On an American cooking website...LOL

Does it taste any different cooking Fahrenheit apposed to Celsius?
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Dec 2018 at 6:48pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Twosix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Dec 2018 at 7:47pm
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this is so true on so many levels


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Dec 2018 at 9:26pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Dec 2018 at 9:26pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jan 2019 at 4:19pm
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BrilliantLOL

A man in Ireland calls his son in London a few days before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough".

"Dad, what are you talking about?'" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer", the father says. "We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her".

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like hell, they're getting divorced", she shouts, "I'll take care of this".

She calls Ireland immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow . Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Done! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.LOL

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jan 2019 at 5:21pm
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jan 2019 at 10:25am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jan 2019 at 12:59pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jan 2019 at 5:29pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jan 2019 at 5:30pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jan 2019 at 5:31pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:


I don't get it. Big smile
Best gurnard fisherman in my street
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jan 2019 at 6:57pm
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Originally posted by smudge smudge wrote:

Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:


I don't get it. Big smile

Go and visit Skoti and inspect his BBQ'g wardrobe, next to the S&M leatherwear, so I am toldLOL


"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2019 at 12:04pm
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>> DEAR GOD
>>
>> So far today I have done alright.
>>
>> I haven't gossiped, lost my temper,
>>
>> been greedy or grumpy, been nasty,
>>
>> selfish or overindulgent.
>>
>> I am very thankful for that.
>>
>> But in a few minutes, dear God,
>>
>> I am going to get out of bed,
>>
>> and from then on, I'm probably
>>
>> going to need a lot more help.
>>
>> AMEN
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jan 2019 at 1:22pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy,  went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from  the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."


The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."


"There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on
Sundays.'

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did,  you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However,  if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."


"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more  question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jan 2019 at 11:21am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jan 2019 at 4:25pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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