Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 9:42am
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 10:31am
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Bazza lived alone in Tasmania. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison. Bazza wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jase, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I wont be able to plant my potato garden this year; Im just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heavens sake, dont dig up that garden, thats where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
At 4A.M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to Bazza and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad. Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. Its the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Jase.
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jun 2018 at 11:21am
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Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:

Bazza lived alone in Tasmania. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison. Bazza wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jase, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I wont be able to plant my potato garden this year; Im just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heavens sake, dont dig up that garden, thats where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
At 4A.M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to Bazza and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad. Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. Its the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Jase.
 
Must be another Bazza as we only have daughters ... no sons ... or at least none that I am aware of.
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jun 2018 at 9:19pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote reel crayze Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jun 2018 at 9:33pm
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Originally posted by krow krow wrote:

 
Big smileBig smileBig smileBig smile
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jun 2018 at 10:15pm
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The was a Physiotherapist on Shirley Rd in Old Papatoetoe years ago and the sign was painted with a columnbraking up the word so it looked like PHYSIO THERAPIST 
Best gurnard fisherman in my street
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 2018 at 6:41pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 2018 at 6:41pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 2018 at 6:53pm
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Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:



The original Photo Bomber!
Best gurnard fisherman in my street
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote advtracing Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Jun 2018 at 10:42am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Jun 2018 at 8:37pm
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Originally posted by smudge smudge wrote:

Originally posted by Catchelot Catchelot wrote:



The original Photo Bomber!

Bazza and Uncle .... the Fishnet origins and forefathers of our fishy tales and lies. Approve

"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Jun 2018 at 8:43pm
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Remember when people have said to you - "you don't know jack sht" - Well I know the whole family???
Who is Jack Schitt? 
Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married No Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married her cousin Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and No Schitt divorced.
No Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as No Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chick N. Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. 
Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.LOL
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote wnw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jun 2018 at 4:08pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (3) Likes(3)   Quote wnw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jun 2018 at 12:53pm
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A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.
A homeless man walks up to her.
She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"
He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it."
"Absolutely not! You're disgusting!", she replies. The man turns and starts walking away.
"Is that all you're going to say? You're not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?"
"I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm!", he says.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jun 2018 at 1:23pm
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One thing that can be said in Catchelots' favour, is that he really
knows his place in this world !!!!!!!
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (3) Likes(3)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2018 at 3:58pm
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Twelve priests were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same lack of response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward, bent over to pick it up –
and all eleven bells went off...
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2018 at 7:12pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2018 at 7:40pm
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  Me:

I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. So I took my computer down to the bar to do some data entries.

I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender ‘What’s the wifi password?’

 

Bartender:

You need to buy a drink first.

 

Me:

Okay, I’ll have a beer.

 

Bartender:

We have VB on tap.

 

Me:

Sure.  How much is that?

 

Bartender:

$6.00.

 

Me:

Ok. Here you are.  What’s the wifi password?

 

Bartender:

youneedtobuyadrinkfirst   No spaces and all lowercase.

 

 

 

When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jul 2018 at 8:28pm
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Nice Bazza :)
Best gurnard fisherman in my street
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jul 2018 at 12:00pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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