Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote MacSkipper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2018 at 7:37pm
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Originally posted by smudge smudge wrote:

Originally posted by MacSkipper MacSkipper wrote:

Originally posted by bazza bazza wrote:

Geez ... some real dumb antics here & some sheer irresponsible such as the clip of a toddler in nappies standing on the foredeck fighting a fish until the poor kid inevitably falls in ... what sort of moron of a parent would allow that to happen ?
 
Love the one near the end tho, of the guy releasing a fish using his prize fishing pliers !
 
Thanks Bazza some were actually really funny - one at the end of guy removing hook and throwing pliers back is painful though...

The sad thing is I sometimes throw the iki, bait knives, pliers, cleaning brush & everything else that's been on the bait board into a bucket of sea water and scrub it up before I set off home. I also fill a bucket with water to help scrub down the boat. Any water left I hurf over the side. There was this one time I threw a bucket full of everything I mentioned out, including about 6 slow jigs.

I really wished there was someone else on the boat that day so I could blame them.

True story Embarrassed
OUCH!!!!
Good fishing trip nothing breaks, great trip catch fish.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote cirrus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2018 at 8:16pm
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Never mind  those things happen to the best of us.

Last year i took a guy out fishing. He was a real hard boiled bait fisherman. Turned up with plastic bags full of bait. Returned to the ramp with a reasonable catch. While i was getting the boat ready for the road i asked him if he would gather up the plastic bags and find a rubbish bin. And off he trots.

About 3 days later in very hot weather and the car hadnt been opened in that time,my wife goes out to look for something in the car. I heard a mighty -what have you done to the car. I rushed out ,and the smell was beyond belief. Eventually found the cause. He had not found a rubbish bin and without telling me had stuffed all the plastic bags ,including a open half bag of squid on the carpet ,out of sight under the back of the passenger seat.
Explanation was couldnt find a bin ,didnt put them in the boat in case they blew out.
When i asked why didnt you tell me the answer was --Forgot.
Needless to say he hasnt been out since.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (3) Likes(3)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Apr 2018 at 4:29am
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2018 at 10:53am
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Mr Moritz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 May 2018 at 11:57am
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"Marriage begins with two HEARTS and a DIAMOND.

And ends looking for a CLUB and a SPADE."
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 May 2018 at 7:13pm
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Bazza went to the doc...

An 85-year-old man had to take a sperm count for his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said:
Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
Well, doc, it’s like this-first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked!
You asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied:
Yep, none of us could get the jar open.LOL
"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 May 2018 at 7:32pm
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Not me Al, as am not quite that old yet, but reminds me of the time you went to the donor clinic only to be disappointed on being handed a jar. You then complained that when you gave blood a nurse extracted it, only to be told " that was at the blood donor clinic sir, but we do things rather differently here at the sperm bank" !!
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote fish-feeder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 May 2018 at 8:22am
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There are three rings to a life of marriage.... Engagement ring,wedding ring and suffering.
dont get my personality mixed up with my attitude,my personality is me,my attitude depends on you.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 May 2018 at 12:15pm
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Big Manly Yaka Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 May 2018 at 11:23am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 May 2018 at 1:06pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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Points: 17915
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 May 2018 at 2:27pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 May 2018 at 8:19pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote krow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 May 2018 at 8:24pm
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My ball bag

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 2018 at 11:12pm
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote wnw Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 May 2018 at 11:06am
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I walked into the pub and saw a beautiful woman at the bar.
I waltzed up to her and said, "How about a drink?"
She said, "F**k off you sleazy old s**t. I'd never have a drink with you"
I said, "You're new to bar-work, aren't you?"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2018 at 12:50pm
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Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the
pearly gates in Heaven.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a
good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She
claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry
and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too.

I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her
lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found
the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I
began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but
his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our
antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man
and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a
massive heart attack and died and here I am."

Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on
the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I
stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.

I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but
some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a
flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but
as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl
out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the second man to
the waiting room. He is still giggling when his third customer of the
day enters.

He apologizes to him and says "I doubt that your last day was as
interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you."

I don't know" replies the man. "Picture this. I'm naked, hiding in
this cedar chest.....”
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jun 2018 at 7:49pm
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A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." 
"Have you ever served in the military?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. 
Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am,
and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, 
why do you want me here only from 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, 
we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (2) Likes(2)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 2018 at 3:19pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me AGAIN, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

"Like sitting in a boat fishing and drinking wine before dinner is not a good thing?" I asked.

Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation.

She was "only thinking of me," she said, and suggested that I go down to the Senior Centre and hang out with the fellows.  

I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.  

I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club at the seniors centre. She replied, "Are you nuts? 

You are 76-years-old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" 

I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. 

She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Dad, where are your glasses?! 

This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."

"Oh man, I'm in trouble again," I said "I really don't know what to do. 

I signed up for five jumps a week!!"


The line went dead. 

Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun!

When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jun 2018 at 10:58pm
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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever." - Jacques Cousteau
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