Fishing Humour

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Mar 2016 at 11:34am
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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A middle-aged frumpy couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.

"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the £75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you close the deal for £65, 000 to the lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model."

"Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the middle-aged couple and gave them the keys.

"There you go," she said. "I told you I would get the dope to reduce it. See you later, dad."
 
Never mess with the old uns!
All we need is a beautiful, long leggy daughter!!!  
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote Clifftastic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2016 at 12:18pm
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Some eye candy for you Bazza


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote kaveman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2016 at 4:20pm
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            Just love this  

A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet from hot sand in the desert."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Mt Roskill and still wearing all this ****?

www.kavemantackle.co.nz
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2016 at 10:02pm
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The Elderly Irish Virgin
In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma, but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:
"RETURNED UNOPENED"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (1) Likes(1)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2016 at 3:23pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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Originally posted by Clifftastic Clifftastic wrote:

Some eye candy for you Bazza


 
A lot to be said in favour of older women Cliff, such as :-
 
They don't yell !
 
They don't tell !
 
And most importantly they don't swell !
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kevin.S Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Mar 2016 at 2:18pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Mar 2016 at 5:46pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Mar 2016 at 11:55pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Mar 2016 at 2:12am
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A girl who knows her place.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Mar 2016 at 10:54am
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Olfart Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Mar 2016 at 11:28am
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Semper in excreta sumus, solum profundum variat....



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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Mar 2016 at 12:28pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Mar 2016 at 10:05pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2016 at 12:15pm
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Reckon it would be safe bet that the "victim" did not think it was funny !
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2016 at 1:02pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

Joined: 12 Dec 2006
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         The FBI had an opening for an assassin
 .

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

 
two men and a woman.



For the final test, the FBI agents took one of

 
the men to a large metal door and handed

 
him a gun.



'We must know that you will follow your

 
Instructions no matter what the circumstances.



Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

 
in a chair . . . kill her!!'



The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

 
never shoot my wife.'



The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man

 
for this job. Take your wife and go home.'



The second man was given the same instructions.

 
He took the gun and went into the room. All was

 
quiet for about 5 minutes.



The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,

 
but I can't kill my wife..' The agent said, 'You don't

 
have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'



Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the

 
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the

 
gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one

 
after another.  They heard screaming, crashing,

 
banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

 
quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

 
woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 


'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said.  'I had to

 
beat him to death with the fg chair.'



MORAL:



Women are crazy. Don't mess with them
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote dalgo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2016 at 6:37pm
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The European Union Standards Commission is charged with producing Harmonised Standards for a wide variety of products.
 
A major problem arose regarding the number of condoms in a packet.
 
The Greeks said there should be 5 condoms per packet (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday).
 
The Italians preferred 7 (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday).
 
The French insisted on 9 (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Sunday, Sunday).
 
However the British wanted 12 (January, February, March ...)
 
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote pjc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Mar 2016 at 3:02am
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote bazza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Mar 2016 at 4:49pm
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OBE - Over Bloody Eighty

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People that consider Prince Charles to be the highest peer in the world might have to think again !
When you cry, feel pain or sadness, no one notices your sorrow .... BUT
fart just ONE time !!!!!!!!!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote smudge Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Mar 2016 at 4:59pm
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So you're the guy that got thrown out of the Henderson swimming pool for peeing in it!
Best gurnard fisherman in my street
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Catchelot Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2016 at 9:59am
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Towball needs a bit or work, should buff up fine though


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